The Darker Days of Fall

Autumn is usually my favorite season. It's the time of year when the chill that I so love comes back into the air, when everything feels crisp, and rich colors dress the trees. I am one of those people who's into pumpkin spice lattes and chai, fresh seasonal apples and of course, cider. Halloween is usually a treat for me because I adore dressing up in costumes. 

But you may notice I've been absent from blogging about how it's okay to eat candy at Halloween with diabetes. You haven't yet seen any silly posts wherein I dress up my insulin vials. Actually, you haven't seen any posts from me at all since mid-September.

I'm still in the midst of a job search, applying, hoping, going through the motions. I try to be excited while attempting to not get hopes up too high at the same time. It's a competitive market out there, especially in the city. I've seen so many of you getting new job and career opportunities, and I'm so happy for all of you, but trying to manage a twinge of jealousy at the same time. I've looked at my Facebook feed and more than once whined at the laptop screen, "When's it going to be my turn?"

I shouldn't whine. I know better than that.

I think it's easier to whine when things have just been difficult all year. A grandparent-in-law's passing, a broken humerus, surgery, losing my job. What's really been keeping me away from blogging are two things I haven't had the words to talk about.

That better A1C I bragged about a little while back? It may have temporarily been a fluke, either of office equipment or my body itself. At my most recent endo visit, it was right back up again. That sucks, but it's not the part that's been weighing on me. I saw a retina specialist because it was discovered that I have DME in the right eye. The left eye isn't perfect either, but it doesn't have the severity of problems that my right eye does. I've had an Avastin injection, and my first follow-up visit after that is this coming Monday. I want to write about my eye in more detail, but I figured I should come out about it first.

The next thing that is difficult for me actually just hit yesterday. A good friend of mine from the Philadelphia poetry community passed away yesterday morning. He helped us run the slam I work with--he was like family to all of us. He was one of the hardest-working people I knew, pursuing his artistic dreams on the page and on the stage. He did spoken word and theater. He acted, directed, wrote, and was a hip-hop artist. Earlier this year, he turned 30. He was diagnosed with cancer right about the same time. At the slam, we opted to not send a team to the National Poetry Slam this year so we could donate a portion of the proceeds of our shows directly to him. Even through his illness, he looked forward to getting back to coaching youth poetry teams and making next year's NPS squad. I am going to miss MJ in numerous ways, some I'm sure I haven't even realized yet. I do hope that soon, in the coming days, we can give this NOLA son and renaissance man the jazz funeral he deserves.

The Best in a Year

So last week, I learned I had the best A1C I've had in over a year. Certainly, your first thought is this:




And while my first thought about it probably should have been something like this:




I think I looked more like this:



Wait, wut?

With everything I've had going on, recovering from my broken arm & surgery, going through the stress of returning to work, going to physical therapy and everything else, I'm actually doing better? How did this happen? I didn't feel like I did a whole lot that was terribly different or special.

So yes, I am celebrating this small victory over here, but I know there is still much to improve and a lot to think about. With some good efforts, my numbers can hopefully be a lot better, and not just one marked improvement, but a lengthy period of improvement!

I imagine that this whole thing just serves to remind me that, in the end, ultimately, I HAVE THE POWER, not diabetes.

By the power of Greyskull! (I found this via an image search and I don't know who to attribute to...)

Goodbye, 2013.

Out with the old; in with the new.  Sounds like a good plan to me.

In 2013, I didn't blog as much as I wanted.  I renewed my URL, but never quite got it applied because of the hassle I was going through and a lack of time.  I allowed aspects of my struggling work life to interfere with the life I enjoy, but at the same time, I made a lot of changes for the better.  What happened that was notable?

I was a reader on Live from the Kelly Writers' House on WXPN fm.

I had a couple of poetry features in different places.

I was published in APIARY Magazine, then later ended up joining their staff as Coordinator of Outreach and PR.  I met a lot of really great people by doing this, and my life is better for it.

I celebrated my 31st trip around the sun, and my 23rd year with Type 1.

I moved into the City of Philadelphia proper.  I am still learning the ways to make it my home, but it's coming along nicely.  I like it here.

Despite the anxiety and stress I've been under on the job, I still get up, I still come in, I still do my work.  2014 is the year the daily grind is going to stop grinding me down.  I will find something new.  The "daily grind" will be more like some fresh-ground espresso--exciting, energizing...good-smelling?

I made plans to get myself in gear after a really awful A1C.

I got a new insulin pump!  (Tandem T-Slim)

I decided on a potential name for my Dexcom G4: Jadzia.  If you ever watched Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, you will hopefully find this as amusing as I do.

Here in December, I began experimenting on Victoza.  I took a little break for the holidays, but I plan on being back on it by Thursday.  I am definitely going to share some experiences with you all.

I didn't write enough blog posts.

I got to be a guest on DSMA Live!

I dressed an insulin vial up for Halloween.

I wrote some new poems, but I definitely didn't write enough of those either.

I wrote one short-short story, and that felt pretty good.  I think I need to do more of that.

I changed my hair color a couple of times.

I discovered how much I love brightly colored and bold lipsticks.

I let my inner girly-girl win out and got subscriptions to Ipsy, Birchbox, and Julep.  (If anybody else out there would be interested, I think I have referral links you can use that benefit both of us in the end.)

I met Scott J!  And Cherise!  And Sara K!  And Mike Lawson!  And Hannah and Aaron and Jerry the Bear!  And Chris Snider!  And Colleen!  And I saw Allison and Kerri and Manny and others!  What a kickass year for DOC hugging!!  It deserves more exclamation points than I can comfortably continue to fit in this little line break.

Most of all, I am happy I made it through another year in relative good health and high spirits.  May we all learn something from 2013, may we all reflect fondly on the good things.  Happy New Year, Dorkabetic readers!  See you in 2014!

"Coming Down", as sung by My A1C

I've lately found I have a good rapport with my female health care providers.  Dr. M (my endocrinologist) and I get along fabulously.  At my last visit at my primary care doc's office, Kate, who is an amazing nurse practitioner, and the office nurse both remarked that they like when I come in to see them because I make them laugh.  I think being able to be yourself around your healthcare team is a huge key to success. 

Today, I went to Dr. M's office for a checkup.  She is a very nice woman, usually on the perky side, always willing to answer my questions and often smiling at my jokes, as hinted at above.  This is good, because I'm usually nervous when I go to the endo.  Not for anything she's doing wrong, mind you.  It's just me.  Thoughts of bad A1C's or surprise bad results on other lab work make me anxious.  

I've been told a million times that I am more than an A1C.  I am more than just diabetes.  Usually, this isn't an issue for me.  I live my life, I get along, and if diabetes tries to throw me a curveball, I do my best to catch it.  But when you're staring down the barrel of an endocrinologist appointment, it's easy to catalog all the things you haven't done right, all the things that could have been so much better if you just tried.  You worry.  You wonder what all the neglect is actually doing to your body on the inside.

I have said it here a zillion times:  I am a diabetes blogger.  I am not a model diabetes patient.  I don't have an amazing A1C.  Compared to some people, I may take "a lot" of insulin.  I am definitely not getting enough exercise.  I'm not a role model--I'm just a person who is here to share her experience, to find support, oh, and to mouth off when I feel like it.  Does the world need my 2 cents about living with diabetes?  I like to think so.  I enjoy being able to lend my unique perspective to the world.

I was able to start breathing the sighs of relief early in this appointment.  My blood pressure was great.  My weight was not really any different from last visit.  The nurse didn't even make a face when my BG reading was 235 mg/dl after lunch.  Dr. M came in pretty promptly, and we started talking about doing basal tests before we make any adjustments.  We talked about how I want to continue with the Symlin, even though I had taken a break from it.  We talked about her belly!  She's expecting her second child in January.  Then I talked about the biggie.

I told her I've been thinking about a Dexcom.  She said that normally, when people want to get an insulin pump and they haven't had one before, she doesn't just let them contact the company to ask about one.  She said she likes to meet with her patients and make sure they get the training they'll actually need.  Dr. M then told me for somebody considering a CGM and a sensor, she's quite happy to write a prescription for the system without any kind of preparatory visits.  She also reassured me that if I want to get a continuous glucose monitor, the Dexcom is the way to go.  She told me it wouldn't hurt if I also find some kind of exercise that I really like and start doing it.

So I have a plan for the next few months.  I won't see Dr. M again until April, when she is back from maternity leave. 

The biggest surprise today?  The in-office A1C test.  My last A1C was 9.8.  I know, nothing to cheer about, something to improve.  Today's A1C?  9.0!  Again, not perfect, but enough to make me do a little happy dance.  That's almost down a full point!  I was smiling; Dr. M was smiling and told me that was actually a great job and way better than she expected to see given some of my numbers we had been talking about.  It may be a tiny victory, but it's a victory for me nonetheless.

As Dr. M and I said our goodbyes, she told me to keep up the good work.  She then also added, "But make sure you really enjoy your Thanksgiving!"  I told her I was looking forward to the pie.  "And you should!" she said. 


I know I need to do some serious basal tests, but you know what's amazing?  When your endocrinologist acknowledges that you shouldn't guilt yourself along through a holiday.  I may just drink a toast to Dr. M with my turkey on Thursday. 

And in case you need a reference, here is the theme song to my A1C today: