Maybe it's like the difference between a nasty flu that lasts for a week and having a chronic illness.
There's a lot that feels like it hasn't gone right for me all year this year, and let's face it, there's not THAT much left of 2012. My current focus is to just get somewhere. My home is so close to being back to normal after the bedbugs and the continuing aftermath. I'm still seeing my therapist, trying to read more books, trying to take time to be mindful of everything. Despite my best efforts, there are still many times I feel like I'm standing on one leg and a kickstand.
I finally saw The Dark Knight Rises over the weekend. (I'll try not to spoil much here.) In part of the story, Bruce Wayne is taken to a terrible prison at the bottom of a pit. The prisoners have the option to climb out and escape their prison, but every time someone tries, they fall. No one ever makes it--they live out their lives in toil and despair at the bottom of this pit. Of course, Bruce Wayne is the goddamn Batman, and he's determined to escape so his beloved city does not collapse at the hands of evildoers. He trains through the agony of a broken back and makes multiple attempts to leave the pit. What drives him to succeed? Being the goddamn Batman. Being the hero. Being the one who can stand up for Gotham City.
There are times when I feel like I'm stuck in some pit of despair. I could try to climb out, but that seems just as exhausting as being stuck at the bottom. I think it's just my time to go for it, without the stupid rope. Commissioner Gordon isn't necessarily looking for me up there, because I'm not a vigilante hero.
But I'm an awesome person. I am creative, intelligent, friendly, loving, and totally capable of all kinds of greatness. There is nothing worse than knowing you are a rockstar but not believing it anymore.
Do you have any tips for banishing negativity from your mind? How do you get yourself out of a funk? Once you start working on improving something about yourself, what's the best way to keep it up?
