I am considering making a doctor's appointment for myself at the end of the week. I am hoping that my favorite Physician's Assistant at my family doctors' practice is a patient, sensitive listener, as I've always perceived her to be. I am beginning to think this forgetfulness and lack of focus and organization is more clinical than merely something I need to learn to do better.
I mean, I always want to do the right things. I want to get that boring paperwork at work finished and out of the way for good. I want to check my blood glucose five times a day every day, at least. I want to blog more. I want to look for freelance writing opportunities when I get home in the evenings. But it's just not there. My drive feels like it's missing. I collapse into indifference or panic when boring things or less-than-pleasant things come up. In my mind, I am just soldiering on through them. I am holding up just fine.
But I've missed important appointments. I've lost papers at work. I keep all kinds of lists, but then after some time, I grow to ignore those, too. For someone who has been told all her life that she is bright, intelligent, has so much to offer, I feel like I am always falling short. I have talked to some of my friends who have been diagnosed with Adult ADD, and now I think I may go talk to my doctor about the same. And maybe it's not even that. Maybe I need to find myself a good therapist.
There are many areas of my life that matter to me that I don't necessarily see myself falling behind on until it really counts. I miss an endocrinologist's appointment in June--after already missing previous appointments. I know that you should bolus for whatever carbs you eat. I even preach it. Then I don't do it for myself.
I am tired of feeling like I'm screwing myself over unintentionally all the time. I think I need to look for help.
Anybody out there struggling? Does my story sound familiar at all?