Tuesday, January 20, 2009

"The More It Shakes, The More I Have To Let Go..."

(Song Title Subject Post Reference Here...an excellent Nada Surf song. Why did I choose a line for my subject? Because that's how I'm feeling--I need to let go of this somehow.)

Blog World, I am stressed out over a girl.

Not a romantic-interest type girl, I'm happily married thank you very much, and while I am known to get crushes easily, one thing I have never been is fully bisexual. I apologize to any girls I find cute, here and now: sorry, I don't want to make out. I shall pass on a secondary apology to any guys I know who would like to see me make out with said cute girls. NOT HAPPENING, and not the point of this blog post.

You may remember (if you were reading back then) my ridiculously hard time with my roommate Nigel's previous girlfriend, The Leech, who was a completely immature nutball who never left our apartment. Nigel's most recent girlfriend is really sweet, smart and funny. She ran into some hard times and moved in with us temporarily. However, temporarily has stacked up to more months than I thought it would be.

Nigel and P are starting to look for a place of their own now, which is cool, but unfortunately, P is having some major problems with her health. They think it might be MS, so if anybody can refer me to any good MS blogs or resources, I'd love to pass them along to her.

But here is where my problem lies: I like her, but living with her seems bad for my own health. Have you ever met someone who seems to be your trigger person? For example, even if you're not completely in tune with that individual, their moods can affect your own? My stress and anxiety levels automatically skyrocket when she's around. If she's not having a good time, I am still having a good time, but I am hyper-aware that she's having a terrible time, and I just feel upset and angry about it. If I know she's truly upset while we're all out together, I get just as anxious as she does.

This is why I've been so distressed and distant in recent months. My living situation is stressing the hell out of me because our previous Hannah-Matt-Nigel dynamic has changed. The three of us functioned somewhat as a family, but we are NOT equipped to be a family of four. Our trips to dinner no longer end with spontaneous trips to the movies. Our trips to the movies become more difficult as only 3 of us can always agree on what to see, and our fourth counterpart doesn't do well with horror films or cheesy action. We are some zombie-loving folks around here. Not to mention our love for Jason Statham (who loves insulin pumps)! We could kill 2-3 hours at a time playing co-op mode on various first-person shooters; she doesn't like creepy games with guns and asks Nigel not to spend "all night" in front of the TV.

The pace of life and my ability to truly relax have been severely compromised for about 4 months now. It's a little ridiculous, even to me. Do you have friends who you love dearly, but you just know that cohabitation with those people would be the worst idea since New Coke? I think that is where my issue lies with P. Having her around all the time is making me resent her, and that's not necessary at all.

But some days, I just think, "If I find one more half-finished glass of soda around here, I'm gonna....AAARRRGHHHH!!!" Or, "You can't possibly have a bad reaction to every medicine in the entire world....AAARRRGHHHHH!!"

But I am really concerned for her and her pending diagnosis, and I do not want to channel my "AAAARGHHHH"-energy towards her regarding that. No one with a chronic illness deserves that, and I am finding I'm not sure how to relate to a newly-diagnosed person, since I've spent nearly 19 years in the company of diabetes. This really bothers me, as I want to be as supportive as I can.

Their moving plans are coming along. I am excited and even a little nervous about living as a proper married couple (meaning a roommate-less couple). I have furniture in mind. I just hope we can manage to sync up enough after the move-out to hang out as much as we'd like.


  1. Ug. Thinking of you guys Hannah. Any stress in any area of life usually negatively affects me, which causes more stress, which causes more negative... blah blah blah, right?

    I know that Vivian (danieldoo) might have some good connections for you?

  2. I think I know what you mean. I have a friend that is great in small doses, but the idea of living with her...well...yeah. Hope it gets better.


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