Tuesday, July 3, 2007

I want my, I want my...

I want my as-par-tame! (sung to the tune of "I want my MTV" from Dire Straits' "Money for Nothing")

You know, I love my roommate to death. He is my husband's best friend, and one of my best friends. Our living arrangement works out just fine. If one of us has a problem with money, we try to work it out between the 3 of us. I feel like we're more of a functional family unit than just a married couple with a roommate.

That's why it hurts a lot when it feels as though I'm starting to resent him. This is by no fault of his. This is by fault of his girlfriend.

She is immature, a little nuts, and has been living with us for two months now. Correction. "Hanging out"...she just happens to be over every single night. It has gotten to the point where I think we might need to ask her for some money if she's going to continue always being over and eating our food. Matt and I refuse to shop for more than three of us if we don't have any extra cash coming in.

I have not told her that I have diabetes. I don't really consider us good friends by any means, and she's so leeched on to my roommate, I assume she knows anyway. I've checked my blood glucose, given myself corrections and whipped out my pump in front of her. I'm not sure if she's the type who's observant enough to notice. I also wonder if she'd notice, would she then storm off because she's weirded out by people who think they can do medical things in public?

She's a little bit like that. If a movie has too many naked women in it, she will get up, leave the room for my roommate's bedroom and slam the door. I think most of us in a similar situation would simply state that we feel uncomfortable and hide our eyes, or quietly excuse ourselves. She's 22 years old and taking the 12-year-old approach to things, and it drives me crazy.

But I'm drifting. I haven't told her that I have diabetes. She went out with my roommate last night to go to the bank and the convenience store. They decided to buy some 2-Liter bottles...and they only bought non-diet soda. This really irks me because Matt and I go to a lot of trouble to buy regular soda AND diet soda when we go grocery shopping. A girl who sits around our house all night and sometimes talks about how bad she feels for eating "all our food" doesn't even think past herself and her boyfriend. Grrr!

Maybe I'm overreacting a bit. However, it's getting to the point where I always feel overreactive with her. How else could I feel having to deal with an uninvited roommate every day? The worst part about this is that Matt and I can't talk to Nigel about how we feel because SHE'S ALWAYS THERE. She'd definitely feel attacked and go on the defensive, even if we were just asking her to pay for some groceries once in a while. If the news comes from Nigel, it'll soften the blow. He never asked her to move in anyway.

I'm supposed to be the crazy girl in my house. And I want my diet Coke, dammit.

Any advice on how to make a leeching significant other into a productive, helpful quasi-roommate?

I'm at my wits' end here.


  1. You HAVE to talk this out with Nigel. There must be away of getting him alone, without her. Maybe he doesn't even want her to move in, and in that case it is his responsibility to make this clear to her. If she is going to move in, the "rules" have to be laid out clear and if she doesn't like them, well then she shouldn't move in. But you have to talk and it seems like you must start with Nigel! Good luck!

  2. Chrissy is right. The last thing you two need is an unhappy home. That is never good. Nigel sounds like a cool cat. Tell him you need to talk in private and he will find the time.

    It needs to be done.

    FYI - I would have lost it had they not brought home Diet! LOST. IT!

  3. Some people are just inconsiderate and thoughtless. It's too bad you can't just turn and walk away, but it's hard if she's in the bedroom.
    Why not say to Nigel, "hey, now that ____ is living here, we can split the rent and expenses 4 ways - isn't that great". Actually she sounds like a big leech to me - give her an inch and she'll take a mile.
    As for the diet soda, some people just don't get it - never do, never will.
    We have a woman in my office who has celiac disease and can't eat any gluten/wheat. She talks openly about it, but people are always putting bagels and other treats on her desk that she can't have.
    When I confront them, they say, "oh, I forgot".

  4. I agree on the talk with Nigel (what a cool name).

    In the meantime, I would say "Ok, I've gone grocery shopping. It cost me $X. Splitting this four ways, you each owe me $X." Maybe she'll get the hint.

    Good luck with it. It sounds like a night mare.


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