Monday, February 18, 2008

Someone's a-rockin' my dreamboat...

Aren't dreams such strange, silly and sometimes magical things? The images my brain cooks up while I'm sleeping, not to mention the reactions I have to these things, I believe are truly wonders of the human experience. I can't really speak for the animal experience, but I'm pretty sure I've seen the cat having a dream. She's usually sleeping and then her paws bat at something or her face twitches like it does when she sees a bird or a squirrel.

I've had some strange dreams in the past couple of days, probably triggered from watching some strange movies. Last night, I had a dream in which I got a job! I woke up happy, thinking this was surely some kind of good sign. As I awoke, I heard my phone buzz once in my purse, meaning I had a new voicemail. I perked up immediately, thinking maybe this was a message from one of my recent, seemingly successful interviews. No such luck--merely a reminder call from Gary's office regarding my appointment tomorrow, which I actually needed to reschedule. (Note: now it's for next Tuesday. I can't very well meet with the dietitian about a food log that I haven't started. Yikes.)

At least I didn't have a disappointing job dream, like the dream I had in which I got a job, only to be accosted outside of the office by a bunch of ladies with picket signs. There was no way in hell I could have the job, they told me. I wasn't a member of the secretaries' union. They took my acceptance packet and ripped it to shreds.

So my weird, weird dream the other night that followed some weird, weird movies...well, combine something like "Cloverfield" with something post-apocalyptic, and you've got the atmosphere. The first half of the dream is fairly foggy, but I was in a city with a number of people that I know running from some kind of monster attack. At some point in the dream, I remember seeing some kind of number, something like 308, and then I thought, "Wake up! Five bucks says that's your blood sugar level! Did you correct before you fell asleep?" Yes, sometimes I have rational thoughts within the context of my dreams. I realize this is probably really weird, but it's not the first time it's happened to me. I wake up, I test, it's something like 180. I dose a tiny bit, and go back to sleep. I end up back in the same city, in what seems to be the same dream.

The monster situation was under control, but then, OH THEN, came the viral zombie attack.

You know the ones. Think "28 Days Later". Think "I Am Legend". Somehow I have ended up in a different outfit, and I'm fighting off zombies with a length of rebar. Stabbing them, whacking them, whatever I can do. So the fight sequences go on for a bit, and I lose my weapon. I seem to have lost all of my weapons, and all I have left in my hand is a spray bottle of 409. I close my eyes, I squeeze the trigger and spritz my attacker several times...lo and behold! The 409 has cured this person of the rage virus. We manage to acquire more spray bottles, and we start building a spray bottle army!

It was some really crazy stuff, but here's the kicker. In one vivid moment within this crazy dream, I walk up to a girl I recognize. She looks dazed and completely out of it, vacantly holding a cell phone to her ear that she's not talking into. I know something is wrong, and then I know instantly who this person is.

I grab her by the wrist to get her attention. "Hey, are you Kerri? You write the blog 'Six Until Me.'?"

"Yeah, that's me," she answers, distant but cheery.

"Look," I say, "I think you're having a low blood sugar. You should go over there and test, and drink some juice."

"Oh. Yeah." She says, wandering off.

Pretty soon I'm back to spritzing zombies, so it was the last I saw of her. My brain is such a strange place.

Author's Note: If you also want to have disturbing dreams, I suggest checking out the Japanese horror/thrillers "Meatball Machine" and "Suicide Club". But these are totally not movies for everyone, and I'll also say the end, they didn't make a lot of sense. Also, in terms of the dreams I had, the movies contained neither giant monsters nor zombies. Hmmm.


  1. Wow - that sounds pretty freaky!

    And I knew Kerri was a celebrity, but DAMN! She's invading your dreams now?!? That's a bit too far Kerri... LOL!

  2. Good luck on the job search!! I've been dealing with the same stuff...and high sugar levels. Boo!

    I enjoy your's dorkalicious. I'll be back to visit.

  3. Scott--what's really hilarious about all of that is it's how I actually spoke to her in the dream. As if there's a different Kerri who looks exactly like that who writes a blog called Six Until Me...haha!

    Mike--Thanks, dude. Much appreciated. See you around!

  4. That's hysterical. You should sell this idea to 409's advertising company. :D

    Did Kerri also have 409 or was it just you?

  5. HOLY SHIT this made me laugh. Out loud. And I can't stop.

    I've had zombie dreams, too. Actually, Chris had one about zombies and I was low and there was a disappearing English Muffin. (That makes perfect sense, no?)

    I'm going to start carrying a bottle of 409 with me. Just in freaking case.

    Still laughing at the phrase "spritzing zombies."

  6. MB--I am kinda wondering if the amusing ad I saw recently for 409 (about why the world isn't ready for formula 410) had anything to do with this dream episode. They say Lysol kills 99.9% of viruses, but maybe that other .1% is the zombie virus which is only cured with 409.

    Kerri--I just cracked myself up thinking of how I need to invent a drink called the Zombie Spritzer! I don't think I saw you squirting anyone, just looking like you needed some juice. I think maybe things were starting to settle down when I found you. Glad this made you ALOL as much as I did!


Remember to use your commenting powers for good, not evil. Excelsior!