Thursday, November 30, 2006

I think I'm forgetting something.

I should shower.

I should go to bed.

I should stop fretting over my appointment with Nancy the Nurse Practitioner tomorrow (today? later this morning? It's 2am here!). Quite frankly, I'm very fond of Nancy the NP. I haven't done everything she's asked me to do exactly, but I'm doing better. I'm no longer ignoring things. I'm trying to take all my additional medications (besides insulin) with regularity.

But I didn't go for my lab work. I've got this cold/virus thing going on, and I was worried it would mess up my lab results. Sure, I could have gotten them done last week before I got sick, but I was worrying about going home for Thanksgiving. I don't think Nancy the NP will be upset, but I'll be a little disappointed that I don't have all the info for her.

Definite questions on my mind for her:

1. Is that blood test for my liver function? Why are you checking that?

2. Is there anything I can do about these obnoxious swollen ankles?

3. Can I get in to see a dietician soon? I have no guidelines for what to put in my stomach. Seriously, the last time I saw an RD was when I got my first insulin pump over five years ago. I had just turned 18, so obviously my metabolism is a little different now that I'm 24.

4. And what's this hyperlipidemia you say I have? You didn't mention it last time, but you checked it off on my lab/upcoming appointment sheet. Argh!

I'm sure Nancy the NP will be able to explain everything, because she's good like that. I just always get anxious before doctor's appointments. This is why I want to be in control. I want to stop fearing that I'll hear the words I really don't want to hear.

Sigh. Shower. Then sleep. Yes.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Guh. Sick again.

I was feeling poorly today. High BS's all over the place.

However, we now have apples, which make me happy.

My husband and my roommate are now trying to beat each other at Geometry Wars for XBox 360.

I am completely awake. Well, sort of. Another night of Nyquil caplets for me. I want to meet up with my gym-going friend, but I may take a day off from working out tomorrow. I think sickness + workouts = Slightly Woozy Hannah. No fun.

This post is completely random, and I have to admit I don't have a real point for posting this at all.

Soooo...tell me something I don't know about you. It'll make for some interesting reading!

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Give Thanks, ya'll.

I'm thankful for...

--Health Insurance. No matter how many months I'll have to dish out that hefty COBRA payment, in the long run, I know I'm saving money on test strips, insulin, pump supplies and a whole cabinet full of pills. It's a crappy industry which I believe is badly in need of reform, but thankfully it helps some of us.

--My husband. This man does it all. He writes poetry, builds robots, studies hard, cooks, plays guitar, and gives the world's best footrubs. He will also get out of bed in the middle of the night to get me my testing kit, and then either a glass of water (for highs) or a glass of juice (for lows).

--Artificial sweeteners. Last week I bought sugar-free chocolate syrup at the grocery store. Everywhere I go these days, I keep seeing the kinds of products I used to dream of when I was a kid. Hershey's sugar-free candy. Frappucinos with Splenda. Low-carb Slim Fast, since I have been skipping breakfast lately. I know that everything I eat doesn't NEED to be sugar-free, but more choices are always good, and anything that keeps the "diabetes police" (aka my relatives) off my back while tasting delicious is always appreciated.

--Seeing a low blood sugar not once or twice, but three times in the past couple of weeks. I know it's not fun, but when you haven't seen a double-digit blood sugar in months, and you're just starting again on Metformin, this feels like relief might be in sight.

--Nurse practitioners. My favorite NP's name is Nancy. She's an outgoing, boisterous lady who I feel completely comfortable talking to. She's the first person in a while who seems to be taking a comprehensive look at what's raising my blood sugars. (Such as maybe PCOS, depression, maybe even my liver? Is that what she could be testing my liver enzymes for? I get that done with next week's bloodwork...)

--My insulin pump. It's like they invented it with holidays in mind. Sleep in? No problem. Too much stuffing and mashed potatoes? There's a bolus for that. Oh, and now you're bringing out the pie? Bolus again. Turkey-induced-super-tyrptophan naptime? It's got me covered. Woo!

--The OC. I'm not talking about Rachel Bilson. I'm talking about you out there. You gave me a reason to start all this, and you're giving me a reason to keep it up. I think I'm learning more about myself that I thought imaginable, and I already keep another online journal! Good work!

I hope everybody has a safe and happy Thanksgiving. Matt and I will be making the nearly 4-hour drive to Pennsylvania today. This year, at one of the four family gatherings we'll attend, I won't be the only diabetic. Matt's mom's boyfriend has it, too. Type 1 or 2? I don't know, but you know your husband's mom is dating a diabetic when you open her fridge to get a soda and you see Novo-Pens and a vial of Lantus.

Love and low-sugar pies to you and yours!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

An Exercise in....Exercise

I feel like I should get some kind of award because I've made it to the gym for two days in a row after nearly 3 months of not going.

My secret? A friend! Working out is so much better when you don't have to do it alone. Now, granted, my gym-going friend ended up not making it yesterday due to what she dubbed "a crisis" (which really WAS a crappy situation), but the woman watching the circuit yesterday at Curves was very chatty. Very sweet, but I must admit I was distracted by her femme-mullet hairdo.

[Sidenote: Attention hairdos! The 80's are over, at least from a bad haircut perspective!]

Yes, I am one of those thousands (millions?) of American women with a Curves membership. I'm not out to endorse products or services on this blog, but I will talk about the things I use and the things I really like. I'm round in the middle, squishy in places I shouldn't necessarily be. I am no means an athlete...I was always next-to-last to be picked in gym class. I like going to a gym where people are friendly, where I don't have to wonder if guys are staring at my boobs while I jog in place, and where I'm not ignored by a trainer because I'm not already buff.

Generally, I hate working out, but going to a circuit-training-type place where everyone is encouraged to have fun, be social, and get healthy seems like a great solution for a Gym-o-Phobe like me. Plus, now I have a gym buddy. We had the diabetes talk today, and I told her a little about Type 1, and she's got a family history of Type 2 (her mom, her grandma, possibly a sister as well).

I am rewarding myself for going to the gym by going to the mall. I've got a Bath and Body Works coupon burning a hole in my pocket, plus I need to get two birthday cards. One for my fabulous friend CJ, who never let me even smell candy wrappers when we were in middle school, but always made sure her parents bought diet sodas for me, and one for my grandfather, who I believe is turning 83 on Saturday. Maybe it's 84? The only reason I don't know is because he's still pretty spry for his age, even after prostate and colon cancer.

I have so much to be thankful for, but I figure I'll post about that tomorrow. I need a shower and then I'm going shopping!

Oh, and over at Orsa Aetas, Mel has an entry from last Friday (11/7) regarding a Diabetes OC "Biggest Loser"-type challenge. I suggest leaving a comment if you'd be up for it. Then, it's on like Michelle Kwan!! (My apologies to the fine Adult Swim program "Squidbillies".)

Friday, November 17, 2006

It's just Swell.

Dear Ankles,

I know you were never all that skinny to begin with, but really, I miss seeing you. All it takes is for me to be awake for more than an hour, walking around or standing in the shower, and you start to balloon. I want you to know I'm really tired of this crap. All you do is make me nervous.

I hope you're happy. You've got me paranoid that neuropathy is trying to sneak in.

Lucky for me, my sensation tests are always good. I don't have any pain.

Unlucky for me, it's difficult to buy shoes because you're constantly inflated. The endo blames it on me needing to lose weight and also that I take a LOT of insulin.

But honestly, my dear dogs, I would appreciate a day off now and then. I miss seeing my lil anklebones, and don't you think it's time they had some fresh air?


Friday, November 10, 2006

Happy D-Blog Day, a Couple Hours Belated

I am puzzled. Today I had a BG reading of 94 before dinner time. I'm not even sure what did it. Maybe it was the moderately low-carb lunch I ate? It feels like months since I've been under 180, so much so that when my BG is normal, say 115, I feel low. I don't know what I did right today, though I felt a little shaky.

I puzzled and puzzled until my puzzler was through. I am convinced it was a reminder that the 9th was D-Blog day, which I had been thinking about all week, and then I ended up missing it by a couple of hours. I suppose there's some way to backdate these posts, but why bother?

I started my D-Blog day with a job interview for a seasonal position. I then had a relaxing lunch with my husband, talked to my mother on the phone for an hour and a half, then did nothing for the rest of the day.

Scratch that. I started my D-Blog day when I woke up as Matt dressed to go to school/the lab, and my heart was racing. Maybe this was a premonition because deep down I knew Matt's car had been towed from the apartment lot last night so I'd have to get out of bed and throw some clothes on to drive him to campus. Then again, maybe this was just a side affect of the Wellbutrin I've been put on. I have decided no more taking Wellbutrin and Altace at the same time, and no Wellbutrin before bed. Between that and a high bedtime blood sugar, I slept terribly.

I giggled to myself a bit yesterday, wondering if I was a double-D or a triple-D. I've read discussions of the so-called "double diabetes", where you're type 1 AND insulin resistant, and I wonder if this is me. I'm taking Metformin while I'm pumping. My endo seems to think this will help...she has also suggested that maybe I have PCOS as well, but she hasn't really made any efforts to actually look at my ovaries. (Not that PCOS always comes with cysts....)

But thinking if I have double diabetes, I'm a double-D. Or if I have diabetes and depression, I'm a double-D. If I have all of the above, I'm a triple-D, but folks, this is not the entry where I actually reveal my cup size. That's for my husband to know, and for me to tell you when I'm really loopy on anti-depressants, or after I've had a couple glasses of wine.

I love having the freedom to post like this. D-Bloggers are some of the sweetest folks I've encountered on the 'net. NO PUN INTENDED.

I hope that through all the zany stories I can tell about helping myself, I can help somebody else out there. I think that's been my intent all along. My chronic condition and I are now on speaking (and writing) terms. I hope that by finally paying attention, we can learn something about each other.

Hopefully, within the year, I'll still be keeping this blog up, and hopefully, maybe within the year, maybe not, I can see an A1c below 8%. Because it's been a while, and unfortunately, there are only so many words I can write, and they won't make me normal again.

Tuesday, November 7, 2006

I've Been Tagged!

George from The B.A.D. Blog tagged me for a meme! I feel loved and lazy because I didn't notice this until today. Haha. Things in my foggy brain are looking up. I have a job interview for a seasonal job on Thursday, a brand new prescription for Wellbutrin, and a fun new toy in my new OneTouch UltraSmart meter. The software just came this week. I can't wait to graph, because I am a nerd.

So the purpose of this meme is to list 5 random facts you may not know about me. I'm sure there's a lot you don't know about me, so this is probably a good place to start!

1. I love proofreading. Honestly, I get a great amount of joy sitting down with a paper, a poem, a manuscript, or a story and just writing all over it with red pen. This is the main reason why I never wanted to be an English teacher. I didn't want to end up with students who hated me. I got into a fight with a high school friend when he asked me to edit a homework assignment, and I gave it back to him covered in marks. He insisted he misspelled everything on purpose. It was artistic! How could I do that to him?! Oddly enough, I worry that as much as I like to edit, my own grammar may need some polishing. Hmmm.

2. My first high school boyfriend called me his "Diabetic Angel", and I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

3. I think Anderson Cooper from CNN is attractive. What's funnier than that is my husband agrees with me. I would also make out with Stephen Colbert.

4. When I was working, one of the best feelings in the world was when I would go to a punk or a hardcore show right after work. There's nothing like standing in a room with a bunch of dirty Delaware scenester kids while wearing a button down shirt and black dress pants, rocking out to a Transistor Transistor song.

5. I've always wanted to write a novel. Unfortunately, I have no idea what it would be about or if I could even carry a story for that many pages. I have also just realized I haven't written a short story in a few years. I can't wait until I get a new computer. I hope to write up a storm.

I'm supposed to tag 5 other people to do this, but I'm going to do it Quaker Meeting style. If the spirit moves you to post this meme in your own blog, go ahead. (But please let me know if you do with a comment here...I wanna read 'em!)

On an unrelated do you start a blog roll? (Kerri? George? Anybody?) I want to start reading more blogs, and I'd like my blog to be a gateway to more of the community. How can I make this possible? Help!

Until next time, take care of yourselves and take some time to nap if you need it. I know I need a nap. *yawn* Of course, I'm sick. But that's another story.

Thursday, November 2, 2006

Unemployed and Uninspired

The highs are high, and I'm not talking about blood sugars here, at least not yet. When I'm happy, I'm fine. I had a great job interview last week, and I was living off the high of that for a day and a half. However, I know it's really going to hurt if it doesn't come through. I've been doing okay for the past couple of days, for the most part, but I really dread the lows. When I get sad lately, it's not pretty. At least not for me, anyway. It's the urge to hide under the covers until Matt comes home from school to tell me everything will be okay, and the hour or so it will take after that for me to believe him.

It's the acidic thoughts that keep telling me that maybe I'm not as smart/pretty/creative/responsible as I think I am. When I do something wrong, I beat myself up over it these days.

I know this isn't who I am.

I think my other d-companion is returning for me. As if diabetes isn't enough, along comes depression. Again. I haven't really been able to write because the motivation just isn't there, and that's scary to me. Writing is my passion. I also love reading, and I haven't been able to latch on to a good book for more than 5 pages at a time in months. I have the time, I just can't seem to get my brain to be still long enough to involve myself in those 30-pages-at-a-time sittings that used to happen constantly.

I'm off to see one of my endo's CNPs today. Maybe she can prescribe something. Maybe she can send me to someone who can help. I know how I've been feeling has affected how I've been taking care of myself lately. I've missed boluses for meals; I've been avoiding checking my blood sugars.

I hope I find a sympathetic ear and some answers. I'm tired of beating up on myself. I think I'm starting to bruise.