On the Market

I had a job interview this afternoon. I think it went well, but it's always difficult to tell with such things.

I once had a job interview which ended in me being asked when I could start, and they said they'd contact me about when I could come in to fill out my hire paperwork. They never called me. Not even an email.

One time, I submitted a resume to a company and was called back that same afternoon for an interview the following day. Then I had a second interview a couple of days later. Needless to say, I nailed it.

So this time? I don't know. Everyone was very pleasant, and as I said, I think it went smoothly. Fingers crossed.

As a sidenote, because diabetes touches everything in my life in small ways, charging my insulin pump (yes, I am rocking a t:slim if you'd forgotten) was as important as brushing my teeth and styling my hair while I was getting ready for the interview today. I mumbled at my pump while I reattached my tubing, "Don't you start beeping on me in the middle of a meeting, please."

It was a beep-free meeting indeed. Not even a buzz.

Being unemployed is...odd. On one hand, I am glad to be away from the stresses of my last job. I'd had that feeling that it was time to move on anyway. On the other hand, it's a somewhat stressful time of wondering what my next move is going to be. I feel like I can count on uncertainty, but luckily I feel like I can count on everyone I know for support. Thanks, friends.

Let's hope my next adventure starts soon.

Invisible Illness Awareness Week 2013: I Choose to Be Bold.

Flawless selfie. Aww yeah.

I can get up on a stage and spill my guts.

I can put my original writings up to the judgement of random audience members.

I can blog candidly about living with diabetes.

I can pull off bright lipstick.

I can wear stripes even though I'm over a size 16.

I can confess to you that I wear over a size 16.

I can go out with no makeup.

I can use my skin as a canvas.

I can love whomever I choose.

I can crack jokes about having chronic illness.

I can make one hell of a baked ziti.

I can be an administrative assistant.

I can be a writer.

I can be an artist.

I can be a communications professional.

I can have friends across the massive spectrum of shapes, sizes, colors, orientations, tattoo patterns, hair colors, genders and sexualities, and they are all awesome.

I can hug with the best of 'em.

I can give myself an injection in a moving vehicle.

I can prick my finger and test my blood sugar at the table in the restaurant, because I'm prepared with a statement if somebody is uncomfortable.

I can often do better.

I can acknowledge that I'm only human.

I can live just as well, and possibly just as long, as someone without invisible illness.

I can do this on my own terms.

I choose to be bold.

DOMA No...Ma?

I will stand and say that not all the fights are over, some of the battles haven't even started, and most of us know that as a country, we still have a long way to go for true equality.

But with that being said, this blogger is elated that DOMA is overturned, that Prop 8 was struck down, and that many of my loved ones are hopefully on their way to being recognized as the equal persons, partners, and citizens I know them to be. 

This won't completely fix or eliminate problems, but it's a damn strong talking point when we need to address them.

Great job with this one, SCOTUS.  Love wins.

Happiness: deal with it, okay?

I realized that for being such a happy, optimistic, perky person, I am often my own worst critic.  I am a harsh judge of myself.  I am guilty of worrying about what others think of me, sometimes constantly.  Lately, it can be pretty easy to fall into a trap I've set for myself, ending up overly self-critical and generally down on myself.  I have a tendency to let comments and good things slip my mind if I'm having a bad week/month/year.

That is, um, if it's okay with you.

For example, I can't help but think that last year (2011) was a bunch of crap.  A lot of bad things happened.  There was a lot of stress.  Yet, through all that, I managed to have another awesome year of marriage.  I had a poetry feature in another state in which I also led workshops for school-age kids.  I had a poetry feature at my home venue in Philadelphia.  I did a lot of dancing.  I sang more karaoke than I have since my senior year of college.  I went to my first drag show.  I stepped in as secretary of the poetry slam.  I was published in two different literary magazines online.  I kept up this blog, despite feeling overwhelmed sometimes.  I stuck with my job, even through the frustrating days.  I bought a Dexcom.  I took a chance and dyed my hair red.  I went to a few really awesome events all by myself and had a great time.  I met some cool people and had some great experiences.

See?  I am a happy person from day to day, for the most part.  I sometimes feel like I don't show that to myself often enough, if that makes any sense.  I can say I'm fine, I will tell you everything is great, but on the inside it may be a different story sometimes.

It's so easy to get hung up on the negative, the disappointing, the discouraging, the bad news.  I am so guilty of it lately.  It's hard not to when bedbugs are causing stress at home, when my job is less-than-cool, or when diabetes is making me feel like garbage.  I have a friend who says when you are feeling down, you should write a list of 36 things you are grateful for, happy about, thankful for.  So here are some things that are happy in my life, just to remind me that in the grand scheme of things, I'm okay.

I have some truly incredible relationships in my life.  I have an amazing, supportive husband.  I have a supportive, loving family.  I have friends who treat me like I'm family.  Despite almost 22 years with diabetes, I have yet to experience anything more than the most minor of complications.   I can afford to work, eat and play.  I've held the same job for over four years now.  I am a blogger with over 60K page views and over 1000 followers on Twitter.  I know how to take a decent picture.  I have a pretty good eye for design.  I've got great love in my life.  I can make people laugh.  I was the only woman to compete in semi-finals this year for the Philly National Poetry Slam team. Even at 30, I have a pretty ridiculous imagination.  I've got great support out in the DOC.  I have people who believe in me and what I'm capable of.

So I just have to deal with it.  I've got plenty to be happy about, even when that little self-doubting voice in my head is trying to tell me otherwise.  Happiness is here, I just have to remember to look for it first, before I see the negative.  Just deal with it, Hannah.  

Thirty Looks Pretty Good

It's my birthday today.  Of course, I have been working all day.  Working until 8pm, which is only a few minutes away.  After that, celebration!  Heck, I think most of the week will be celebration, culminating in my [hopefully] epic 30th birthday party on Saturday.  It's gonna be fancy--no, really, that's the theme.  Fancypants.*

So how do I look today?  Maybe a bit stressed, but I am excited because I feel like I am getting back onto the right track.  Whatever that is supposed to be.  

I'm supposed to do what at this age?  Sure.  Yeah.  Whatever you say.  *eyeroll*

*For the record, the author finds anything with sparkles, a tiara, a tie or an old-fashioned hat to be fancy.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Without further ado, in no particular order, here are things and people I am thankful for:

Love, friendship, kindness, Matt, Mom, Nana, my in-laws, Bro-in-law Jim, still having a job in this crap economy, health insurance, insulin, a decent car, a nice house, my chosen family, David, Sam, Shelaine, Elliott, Bryan, Michelle, Lilliana, Becky, Kate, Jeff, Cari, Ballsybean, all the Amys I know, Megan, Alex, Mike, Erin, Jane, Susane, Thea, Nigel, all my favorite poetry pals, Rich & Rhiannon, my Delaware friends who I don't see often enough, anyone I've met at a vegan potluck, anyone I've met at the PMPM gatherings, cupcakes, ice cream, Steel City Coffee House, social media, my co-workers who are cool, Colin, Marco, Galia, Josh, Katie, Isaac from Northampton, Doctor Who (especially Matt Smith, grrrowl), comic books, The Big Bang Theory, Bust magazine, kittens, owls, bunnies, my insulin pump, Panera Bread in KOP, O'Hara, Missy, Curtis, anybody I've ever had a crush on, anybody I've ever snuggled, creativiity, artsy people, the ability to dance, great music, good writing.

I am thankful for everything that makes me happy.  I am thankful for everything that makes me stronger.  I am thankful for the loved ones who are already gone.  You are always in my heart.

I am thankful for the great friends I have yet to meet.

And because this is a diabetes blog, after all, I am thankful for all my readers, all the members of the Diabetes OC, and all the people who may just now be discovering this.  I write for me, but I also write for you.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

PS--I am also thankful for leftover pie.  Always.

Coming Out a Day Late

I posted this to Facebook yesterday, but it is clearly worth repeating here:

Happy National Coming Out Day! Regardless of who you love, how you love, and how you choose to identify yourself, just remember to be yourself always. We here at Dorkabetic proudly support the LGBTQ community. If you don't like that, well, I'm sorry. I am who I am, and you are who you are, and it's all love to me.

Honestly, folks, I don't spend a ton of time talking about my personal politics and beliefs here.  It's mostly just snippets.  There are some things I probably will never discuss in depth here, but I am going to take this moment and come out to all of you.  I am sure many of you are not surprised at all.

I am a fag hag.  For these two fellows.  

L to R: David, Sam, some guy with beads who I don't know, Jess who is also way cool.  Photo credit: D. Mangini

If I were to ever explain the hows and whys, it may not be as straightforward a story as you'd expect.  But there they are.  I've always got their backs, and hopefully they've always got mine. 

If you are the type of person who refuses to be accepting of all the fabulous LGBTQ (and asexual, etc.) people in this world, could you do me a favor?  At least be tolerant.  Be respectful of humanity.  Even though Fred Phelps hates no one more in this world than homosexuals and their "sympathizers", wouldn't we all be happier if he kept his views to himself?  Dr. Keith Ablow of Fox News thinks that letting your children watch trans*man Chaz Bono on Dancing with the Stars will make your kids think about transgendered people as normal, acceptable people just like cis-gendered (the gender you were born as) celebrities!  The horror!

I don't think that God hates fags at all.  I am pretty sure that God hates hatred.  

I look forward to a time when we don't need a special day to declare our preferences or our secret identities to our loved ones.  Perhaps one day, telling your folks that you're a man who loves men , a woman who loves women, or you're just completely queer will be no different than telling someone you've decided to go to college to become an accountant.  I hope one day, acceptance will be universally common.