Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Diabetes Blog Week '11, Day Two: Letter-Writing Day

Last month was National Poetry Month, and my friend Jane wrote a poem called "41 Love Letters" after a poem by Jeanann Verlee, called "40 Love Letters". I enjoyed both poems, sort of a collection of tiny letters to so many people. I enjoyed them so much in fact, I now present for D-Blog Week, after Jane, after Jeanann,

22 Diabetes Letters

Dear Younger Me,
When you grow up to be 29, you'll still never know if she noticed that you were sneaking cookies from the drawer. Also, you will still occasionally eat a spoonful of dry sugar-free Nestle Quik before making a glass of chocolate milk.

Dear Insulin Pump,
I hope you do not mind that occasionally I carry you down the hallway with my teeth, my arms full of clean laundry when I don't know what to wear.

Dear Favorite CDE,
I don't see you enough. I need to change this. For someone who knows a lot about living with diabetes, I can be a real slacker about doing anything about it.

Dear New Endocrinologist,
I have finally started testing more often. Soon I will do those basal tests and get my labs done. Everyone is counting on them. I'm a little scared of them, but I need to count on myself too.

Dear Lady from the Insulin Pump Support Group,
You were embarrassed to admit that you took about half of my total daily dose, because you thought it was "a lot". I did not speak up that I take even more than you, because I was too mad. You have to take the dose that's best for you. Don't make yourself (AND ME!!) feel shitty about trying to stay healthy.

Dear Insulin Pump,
Sorry about that time I dropped you and you rebooted like I'd just put in a new battery. That was a bit scary for both of us, I'm sure.

Dear Smell of Band-Aids,
You have cursed me.  Am I near a first aid kit, or is my infusion site leaking?

Dear Younger Me,
The stuff you thought was total bullshit on that diabetes forum about dating? How no one is ever going to love you completely because you are diseased and stuff? Yeah, you're still right. TOTAL BULLSHIT.

Dear Syringe in the Bottom of My Purse,
I keep waiting for you to fall out at an inopportune time.

Dear Counterperson at Wendys who Will Inevitably See This Syringe,
I have diabetes. I am not shooting up illegal drugs. I really did just pee in your bathroom, that's it.

Dear Kim from Elementary School,
I can't remember your last name. You got type 1 about a year after me. I hope you're doing what you love and thriving.

Dear NPH,
I will never miss you as an insulin. I hope you're not too sad about this.

Dear Late High School Me,
Your ankles are still going to swell when you're 29. Only now you won't be sure what to blame it on, because it's obviously not the strain from daily marching band practices. Sorry. On a happier note, contrary to what Mom scares you about, it's NOT because of your kidneys. Also, don't leave your test kit on top of your clarinet case when you go out to practice. Some punkass is gonna see it, assume it's a wallet and steal it. Don't worry, though, a janitor will find it on top of a trash can the next day.

Dear Diet Drinks,
If loving you is wrong, I don't wanna be right. Especially you, Diet Dr. Pepper, Diet Gold Peak Tea, and Fresca.

Dear Neighbor,
I was probably 9 or 10, and you said something about you also had "the sugar".  My tiny brain was filled with rage.  To this day, I still wish you would have said "diabetes".  Or even "diabeetus".

Dear Mom,
You still say "diabeetus" sometimes, and I forgive you.  I love you, and you can have special privileges.  This does not mean, however, that I will not make a funny face, or correct you when you say "nook-you-lur" instead of "noo-klee-ur". 

Dear Doctor From My Diagnosis in 1990,
Remember when I was hyperventilating and couldn't move my hands or most of my muscles?  Remember how you treated my mom like an idiot?  Remember when my mom took you by the coat collar and ripped you a new one in front of everyone in the pediatric ward?  I sure hope you do.  Asshole.  I hope you remember it every day of your medical career.

Dear Insulin Pump,
Maybe we'd get along better sometimes if I'd just pretend "beep beep beep!" means you're telling me you love me.

Dear Cleo 90 Infusion Sets,
I wish we didn't have such a rocky past.  Why won't you just stick around?  (Get it?  Stick?  Because sometimes you don't despite all the prep wipes and stuff?)

Dear Carbs,
You are so damn yummy.  Especially you, cake.

Dear Younger Me,
Just keep going.  Keep doing what you're doing.  Keep pursuing happiness.  All those diary entries about how much diabetes sucks?  Yeah, you're still going to be writing them in 2011.  In a public forum, no less.  Believe it or not, it's going to be really therapeutic for you, and you're going to make so many awesome new friends who know what it's like to have diabetes, you're not even going to believe.  Keep on kicking ass, kiddo.

Dear Future Me,
What's it like out there? Is there a closed-loop system yet?  Do I have to keep poking my fingers?  Do I have complications?   Did I ever decide to have kids?  Does my husband ever stop attempting to grow a beard?  Do we have a cat?  Did I ever come up with a good premise for a novel?  If I still have an insulin pump, does it look like a second generation iPhone?  (You know insulin pumps have to be about 10 years behind the fashion curve at all times...)  Have we been cured and now all you do is eat spoonfuls of pink frosting while you continue to drink diet soda?


  1. I love your mom - way to go, Mom!
    Great letters.

  2. Wow. This is amazing. I LOVED reading it, what a great twist on the letter writing day.

  3. Hahaha All I can say is, AMEN about the diet drinks! I get a lot of crap for it sometimes, but I love it too much to stop! haha

  4. hah! Loved the syringe in purse. LOL. Sometimes I wonder if they thought I was shooting up drugs too. lol!

  5. Oh my gosh, these letters are awesome!!!! Way to rock the letter writing prompt!

  6. Awesome! I enjoyed reading it.A great post.

  7. Hi. Nice article :) Loved the way you were addressing your condition in a humorous and entertaining way.

    Great job!


  8. Very witty! I hope the letter for the future you will be sent to the correct address so that the future you can read it. Then you'll be having a good time.


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