An Ad, to Be Placed on Freecycle or the Giveaway Section of Craigslist
Free to a Good [or Bad] Home - Type 1 Diabetes (Philadelphia or Anywhere)
The beta cells in my pancreas quit working after 8 short years. My immune system attacked them, and instead of going back to doing their f**king job, they decided to just sit and panhandle around the Islets of Langerhans, like that's some kind of vacation for them. I've tried to give diabetes a chance for 25 years, but you know what? I'm done.
Surely there is some soul out there who would like to adopt my diabetes and give it a good home. Or maybe you know an unsuspecting Men's Rights Activist right-wing homophobic politician asshat that you want to teach a lesson. Either way, please come to this address [Hannah's House or Place of Employment] and help yourself.
Type 1 Diabetes has been a challenge to love. Most recently, an insulin pump site of mine got pulled off in the middle of the night, so I woke up around 6:30am with a raging "HI" staring deep into my soul from my glucose meter. Through gritted teeth I said, "Hello yourself" to the screen and injected a buttload of Novolog as I replaced my infusion set, drank two giant cups of water and went back to sleep, nauseous. A few hours later, at work, that buttload of Novolog kicked in all at once, so while my blood glucose clocked in at 200, my body was trying to tell me I was a solid 65 with shakiness and a case of the woozies.
Diabetes is sometimes a gentle nuisance, and other times it makes me want to cry, scream, and throw things across the room. That's not a terribly healthy behavior, so obvious my Diabetes would do much better if it were rehomed.
Please stop by this weekend. Type 1 Diabetes can be yours for the exclusive price of FREE-NINETY-NINE! I will even throw in all the fancy gadgets and tropical fruit punch glucose tabs!
I can also just leave it on the curb. Come grab it, as I only have this one case of Type 1 Diabetes to give away. If you're also interested, I will set out some plantar fasciitis, macular edema (right eye only), and arthritis of the lower back, also free.
It's a whole new kind of summer fun!
Over a decade of high levels of glucose and geekery.
Showing posts with label chronic illness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label chronic illness. Show all posts
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Friday, May 17, 2013
D-Blog Week, Day 5: Freaky Friday
Friday: Just like in the movie,
today we’re doing a swap. If you could switch chronic diseases, which
one would you choose to deal with instead of diabetes? And while we’re
considering other chronic conditions, do you think your participation in
the DOC has affected how you treat friends and acquaintances
with other medical conditions?
When we talk about Freaky Friday, are we discussing the Jodie Foster version or the Lindsey Lohan version? Because in the end I'd rather be Jodie Foster. Or Jamie Lee Curtis. Can I just switch with one of them in real life? I know there are quite a few jackasses out there who feel feminism is like a disease.
This is a tough question to answer. My initial thought was that just straight-up hypothyroidism might be simpler than diabetes. Of course, only having to pop one pill every day sounds quite appealing, then you go out to the internet and read that it has its own complications.
What about a chronically high cholesterol level? Heart disease is pretty strong in my dad's side of the family, so I don't think that's any better either.
So then I started to think, what if I didn't have diabetes, but had only one of the other issues I've got now? Yes, I probably wouldn't have worried that my tachycardia was diabetes-related, but would that be more or less comforting? Sometimes I am pretty sure that tightening up my glucose control would lessen some of my mental health issues. But would I be more depressed and anxious without being able to attribute some of it to diabetes? As if to say, "I am having this mood swing out of nowhere, I must be bipolar!" instead of "I am having this mood swing out of nowhere, maybe I forgot to bolus for my afternoon snack!"
Is one chronic disease better to have than another? I don't really think so.
If I were to personify my diabetes, would I give it a hug and say, "Hey buddy, I hope you stick around forever because I love you"? Never. But if I could, would I leave diabetes for something else? I'm not so sure.
Actually, I think I just made a decision. I might trade diabetes for being a Never-Nude. I might just accept having to wear a bikini in the shower if it meant I never had to worry about blood sugar levels, insulin boluses, or carb counting ever again.
When we talk about Freaky Friday, are we discussing the Jodie Foster version or the Lindsey Lohan version? Because in the end I'd rather be Jodie Foster. Or Jamie Lee Curtis. Can I just switch with one of them in real life? I know there are quite a few jackasses out there who feel feminism is like a disease.
This is a tough question to answer. My initial thought was that just straight-up hypothyroidism might be simpler than diabetes. Of course, only having to pop one pill every day sounds quite appealing, then you go out to the internet and read that it has its own complications.
What about a chronically high cholesterol level? Heart disease is pretty strong in my dad's side of the family, so I don't think that's any better either.
So then I started to think, what if I didn't have diabetes, but had only one of the other issues I've got now? Yes, I probably wouldn't have worried that my tachycardia was diabetes-related, but would that be more or less comforting? Sometimes I am pretty sure that tightening up my glucose control would lessen some of my mental health issues. But would I be more depressed and anxious without being able to attribute some of it to diabetes? As if to say, "I am having this mood swing out of nowhere, I must be bipolar!" instead of "I am having this mood swing out of nowhere, maybe I forgot to bolus for my afternoon snack!"
Is one chronic disease better to have than another? I don't really think so.
If I were to personify my diabetes, would I give it a hug and say, "Hey buddy, I hope you stick around forever because I love you"? Never. But if I could, would I leave diabetes for something else? I'm not so sure.
Actually, I think I just made a decision. I might trade diabetes for being a Never-Nude. I might just accept having to wear a bikini in the shower if it meant I never had to worry about blood sugar levels, insulin boluses, or carb counting ever again.
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