Thursday, February 18, 2010

My Bloggy Valentine.

Dear Blog,

I could spend hours anthropomorphizing you into some sort of lover whom I am supposed to shower with words of devotion. Something something something sunsets and spending our lives together. Something something sugarbear. Something blah blah you're the only blog for me.

I'm not really a one-blog kind of girl; however, that's a different story for a different time.

You are always here for me, blog, waiting so patiently for me to return and make my next post. You never judge. You let me say whatever I want to say, and you always let me be myself. I'd love to spend more time with you, but with my current station in life, I know that's a little difficult. You sit for days or even weeks at a time, unattended, while I am fighting to stay sane.

We've been through so much together, blog. A marriage. Two moves. Two job changes, maybe working on number three.

It's great to have a place on the internet where I can just drop by, sound off, and know that in one way or another, I am helping friends I probably didn't even know I had.

I love you, blog. Happy belated Valentine's Day.


Friday, February 12, 2010

Sweets for the Sweet.

It's almost Valentine's Day. This is your annual public service announcement to remind you to bolus for all those extra carbs you're going to be consuming in that pint of ice cream you're eating yourself because you hate Valentine's Day, that massive dinner plus dessert with your sweetie, or that box of chocolates that your friend got for you.

As for me, I will be extra-bolusing for days, as Saturday is my birthday, then Sunday is Valentine's Day, then next week Matt is going to take me out for a nice dinner, since this weekend is just too hectic to squeeze in a dinner. We were going to do the dinner BEFORE my birthday, but Tuesday I was sick, and Wednesday and Thursday brought on that infamous East Coast rapper you've sort of heard of, the SNO-torious B.I.G.

Bolus bolus bolus! Eat some chocolate! Bolus some more!

And remember to always be grateful for all the loves in your life, whether they are dates, significant others, friends, spouses, or family members. Feel the love! Happy Valentine's Day, blogoverse!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The Last Days of 27.

My birthday is approaching, and quickly. By the time we're done digging out from all of this snow in the greater Philadelphia area, it'll be my birthday. I am staring 28 straight in the face, and while it has the potential to truly terrify me, I am ready to shout, "Bring it on!"

And maybe it would respond something silly, like, "Oh, it's already been broughted!" (What the hell terrible movie is that from again?)

And why? What has caused me to want to make things better? Where can I start? How about my endocrinologist's appointment last Friday:

1. My doc said she'd really like to know what she can do to help me, but she feels she hasn't seen me enough to really know what to do that would be effective.

2. My labs were actually impressive, in some ways, so I had cause to celebrate. My kidneys were totally normal. My cholesterol was WAY down. Bad cholesterol was 160 a year ago, is now 106 by means of eating better and attempting a little bit more exercise. My A1c was not exactly what many of you would consider pretty. Some of you would hang your heads in shame. But you know what? It was 8.9. I was surprised with the way things have been going lately and the amount of stress I've been under. Honestly, Dr. B and I were both surprised that it was an A1c in the single digits!

Then there's work. I am happy helping the students where I work. There are many parts of my job that I don't mind, but that's just it. I'm not that excited about it anymore. I'm more frustrated in the course of a day, and my days keep getting longer and longer. When I get home, I feel exhausted, so much so that I don't necessarily do the things that I'm actually passionate about--things like blogging, writing, keeping up with the things and people that matter most to me. I've decided I want something different.

I have a student worker who assists me now at the front desk, she's 47, laid off from her job running warehousing operations, and she can't wait to get back. A very sweet woman, loudmouthed, loves her three cats like they're her own children. She may technically be below me on the work food chain, but I really respect her. One day, she was talking about how much she would love to get a job in her field again soon. "It's what I'm really passionate about," she smiled, "And honey, if you're not doing something you're passionate about, I don't know how you can get through the day."

My heart sank; it was a wake-up call. I am pretty good at being an administrative assistant, but it's nothing that I'm passionate about. I am passionate about writing, about helping people, about using my creativity to help others or tell stories. So now I feel a little stuck. Every tiny wrongdoing at work just feels like a huge blow, though the successes are still nice. I need something else. A Bachelor's in Communications, a minor in English, and for years I have been working jobs where people ask, "And how did you end up in this line of work?" The answer is that I don't know anymore.

I need something more. I need something different. I need a better A1c. I need a better career.

I'm staring 28 in the face, and hoping that me at 28 is even happier than me at 27.

Friday, February 5, 2010


If being a slacker on diabetes management is a crime, I'm preparing to do the time. Please send your baked goods with saws and files hidden in the center, because tomorrow I'm off to the endocrinologist to get my annual big ol' lab workup results.

I do not expect pretty numbers. I do not expect a nice A1c. Some moments I think I am okay with this. Some moments I wonder how it is that I've had diabetes for just about 20 years now, and I still can't figure out how to get it together or stay motivated.

Had a rather impressive argument/emotional breakdown with Matt tonight that I don't care to detail, because it's over now. We're back to being us, trying to figure out how to focus on improving me without making me feel like I'm being nagged/judged/wearing a diabetes police special ankle bracelet.

Please send positive vibes and pointers. I want to get serious.

But on a less serious note, when expressing my frustration, a friend offered to punch my diabetes in the face for me. I told her she should make sure she knows she has the right Diabetes, because it's not really nice to punch Type 2. He can't run terribly fast, and he might not necessarily deserve it anyway. Type 1 on the other hand is a gangly, nasty fellow who will force-feed you gallons of liquid and then keep you peeing for upwards of 5 hours at a time for his own amusement. What a creeper. Punch him in the creepy teeth.

Monday, February 1, 2010

RSS, Yes, Oh Yes.

I need to pick an RSS reader for myself. I am thinking Google reader, since so many other things in my life are Google-related.

I am losing touch with everyone's blogs because I just don't have time to hop from web address to web address anymore, at least not without getting distracted. Any recommendations?

I miss you guys! And believe me, with an endocrinologist appointment coming up Friday, I'm going to need your support. Ever have to gear up for one of those appointments that you already know is going to be less-than-awesome? I am hoping for mediocre, rather than bad news.

If you see the good diabetes management wagon cruising around your neighborhood, ask the driver to throw me on if he comes my way.