Monday, August 25, 2008

Feeling Super Low

We're not talking numbers here (well, not much anyway--my numbers haven't been low in...let's not even go there).

The past few days have brought a pile of stress. A phone call from my mother on Friday had me heading home Friday evening with Matt. My dad had taken a turn for the worse. Visiting him on Saturday and Sunday morning had to be one of the most difficult things I've done in a long time, if not ever. There were moments of excruciating heartbreak. Each day I left his nursing home in tears.

I also cannot tell whether I should feel indifferent or enraged at his girlfriend's lack of appearances at the home. She doesn't seem to call either, and I don't really feel surprised about it. My dad's family has actually been slowly filing into Pennsylvania to visit him. They're an odd bunch--they can go for months, even years without speaking yet they can rally when one of them is ill. It's what they did for my grandmother (their mom), and what they did for my Aunt Kathy when she passed away less than a year ago. I am trying not to feel too nervous about how my dad's side seems to be so plagued by cancer. I hope that I can avoid that for myself in the future.

Is there a polite way to tell well-wishers that my dad most likely isn't going to get better? I really doubt many have survived stage 4 pancreatic cancer, and now that I've seen him, I know it would take a miracle to make my dad better.

Had more Cleo issues over the past few days. Had a stressful day at work. ARRRGH I need to find some time to have fun or I'm gonna lose it!

I don't even want to tell you what my blood sugar is doing. Yuck, it just looks hopeless.

I know I'll be okay, and I'll get through all of this somehow.

I just wish I didn't have to worry about infusion sets or where the heck my numbers will go next in the midst of all this crazyness.

But there was happy news this weekend.

My grandparents celebrated their 62nd wedding anniversary! Go Nana and Pap!

I hope that I can enjoy my marriage for the next sixty some years and beyond. Have I mentioned how much I love Matt lately? Well, I do. He's the front line in dealing with me dealing with all this stressful stuff, and he's handling it pretty well. If you ever get to meet me and my hubby, I hope that you agree that he rocks.

5 comments:

  1. I trust you Hannah, I think he rocks too.

    Take it easy! :)

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  2. this is a pretty rough time that you're going through here.

    it's kind of interesting how families are so predictable when there's a serious illness. mine does the same thing, except it extends to any time someone's in the hospital. might as well just make that a swinging door.

    i'll pray for you and your dad.

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  3. Hey Hannah - we're all pulling for you and your family out here.

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  4. Hang in there, Hannah. I'll keep you and your dad in my prayers.

    Congratulations to your grandparents. That's great!

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  5. Hannah -
    YOU BOTH ROCK.

    Hang in there and just continue to do the best you can! dBlogville has got your back - and Matt's covered!
    We love you !
    k2

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