Thursday, August 30, 2007

Tell the Future to Stop Looming Over Me; It's Not Polite.

Has anyone here had to leave a job that they really enjoyed? What's the best way to do it? How much notice should I give them? I feel like it might be important to give them a 3-week instead of a 2-week notice.

Why am I going to leave my job? Because October 8th, my husband will be starting HIS new job--in Pennsylvania. Just when Delaware was actually feeling like home, it's time to go elsewhere.

I'll have to find a new job, new doctors, get my car registered/inspected even though I just changed everything to Delaware a couple of years ago...sigh. New drivers' license, new library card, new grocery store membership cards. New health insurance through my husband, but when will it kick in? What will they cover?

All this stress is probably wreaking havoc on my glucose levels, even if it's not immediately obvious. I am looking forward to that part being over, and it's nice to know that after we've moved, I won't have to worry about finding a job in a huge hurry. If you recall, about a year ago I was let go from my last job, and it was a few months until I found a new one. At least now, Matt will have a good job as an engineer, so we'll already have a nice budget to work with and benefits. I won't have to rush around to find any old job just to make ends meet. That's a nice feeling.

However, I've never had to leave a job I actually cared about before, and that's my problem at hand. This is a busy sales department, and I'm going to leave them just as preparations for the incredibly crazy winter holiday season begin. I don't want to leave them in the dust. What's a gal to do?

Um, in the meantime, here's the cutest sleepy kitten video ever:

Friday, August 24, 2007

Back in the [Symlin] Saddle Again

Symlin is still so far, so good. Numbers are coming down, but not too abruptly, amazingly.

The thing I dislike the most about Symlin is that you can be really hungry before a meal, but then you have to plan for the fact that you are going to want to stop eating about halfway through your lunch. It's especially bad when you eat like I do--all of one thing at a time. 3/4 of the way through the sandwich, I realized I was filling up, and probably wouldn't be able to handle any of the chips...which I had already bolused for. It's disappointing at times. You think, "Oh man, I was really looking forward to eating that!" Then you fight with your own willpower to decide whether to just stop, or to venture guiltily forward, knowing you will probably end up feeling like poo because you ate too much.

Things seem to be fairly steady, though. I probably underestimated how many carbs were in that big ol' hamburger bun, so I'm not bottoming out at the moment.

I'm not going to beat myself up over it. This Symlin thing is a learning experience. A learning experience that brought me a pre-lunch reading of 106 mg/dl. Niiice.

Let's hope this is the start of an excellent weekend. We have townhouse-hunting on the agenda. Yes, it's actually time to start thinking about moving. Time to remember that yes, I am, indeed, a grown-up!

On that note, I think I'll play some Xbox 360 when I get home. We have a new demo for BioShock which I haven't even seen yet!

Peace out, fellow dorks!

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

You Want Some Cheese with that Whine?

I blame the weather. It rains and my co-workers get annoying. I am expecting them to end every sentence with, "but whyyyy?" like a whiny 3-year-old.

I don't know why the copier keeps jamming. I don't know why the repair guy can't get here any faster. I don't know why your stuff hasn't come back from the warehouse yet. I don't know why your manager didn't approve your request.

Go ask your mother.

Today, though, I actually received a job perk. One of the first significant ones! Oh sure, working here at the distributor I get various beer/wine/liquor-branded t-shirts and odds & ends, but once in a while something really good happens. One of my duties as sales admin assistant is to create wine lists for our restaurant accounts. Today, one of the salesmen hooked me up with a NICE gift certificate to a REALLY NICE Italian place, just because I'm working my butt off to lay out a wine list they really like. I am just hoping that when Matt and I go, I can pronounce things on the menu without looking like an ass. I look forward to dressing up, not having to pay for nice food, and getting a bottle of wine which will cost us just as much as a meal at Bob Evans.

Speaking of food, I have been making efforts to count the carbs of everything that goes into my mouth. Even if it's just a guess, it's better than my bad habit of eating, waiting, and then correcting a while later when I feel crappy. It's my 2nd day on Symlin, no problems so far, except I forgot glucose tabs in my purse today, so I'm hoping I don't go low. If I do, it's not a huge problem, as I have a dollar with which I can purchase a regular Coke from the vending machine.

Let me say, though, that I am EXPECTING to go low because I am taking my Symlin in combination with 500mg Metformin, and I was supposed to cut all my doses in half, and I haven't yet done this. However, I just tested at 222, so I'm not really worried about dropping too badly at the moment, even though I feel like I'm on the way down.

I'm a walking pharmacy--popping pills, shooting up, pumping up doses, then eating the pharmacy equivalent of Smarties to get it all back in check. I have purchased a new Glucagon kit which I will teach Matt how to use. I've already warned him about how huge and scary the needle is in case it ever needs to be used. I've never needed a Glucagon shot in my entire diabetic career...haha, but it does, doesn't it? It feels like a job! Having a Glucagon kit is like having a fire extinguisher, and knowing how to use one gets you some kind of diabetes OSHA points so you don't get fined. You may never need it, but you should know how to use it, just in case, and be mindful of the expiration date. In case of emergency, bust out the humongous scary needley thing, mix the contents, and give the injection. Glass breaking is probably optional, though not recommended PRE-injection.

Such silliness. Gah. Back to work.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

If I Only Had a Brain

How is it that I keep forgetting to bolus? When did I get so careless?

I started off this morning at an excellent 109, then came to work, had an apple and a bagel for breakfast, and ended up, moments ago, at a syrupy 352. Correct! Correct! Chug that water!

I hate the high blood sugar feeling where you realize your blood is probably crawling through your veins like molasses. I don't like feeling poorly, so how, or even WHY should I keep forgetting my boluses? This is ridiculous.

Just when I feel like I want to beat up on myself, I know that's not going to get me anywhere. I know I have bigger problems to worry about, and when it comes to my diabetes, I should just get down and dirty. I should just do the work instead of fretting. Excessive worry is passing through my family, and I don't want it to make me crazier that necessary.

It's already taking its toll on everyone else, which makes it hard to discuss my concerns with even my own mother. There are unanswered questions about my uncle's health, but as it stands, I already can't talk to my mom on the phone without crying at least once anymore. I do not want to burden her further with worrying about my health when that is MY THING to take care of. I cannot help but think any mention of my control being less than stellar brings her to thoughts of me lying in a home, dying from an invisible illness.

And that will lead her to nagging. And more crying. And neither of us want to hear those things.

Then again, thoughts of any of this lead me to a huge headache. My mother, when she is stretched to her sanity's capacity, is not always the person I want to deal with over the phone. I want to be able to talk to her about everything, but she makes half of the things I say into an issue, and even when she apologizes, it's still something that has already hurt/bothered me. I talk about moving, and my choices for cities to live in are always too far away, or why do I want to commute to work in the city, why this, why that, why can't I just live in a town that's closer to Matt's new job?

When my mom is this stressed out, suddenly I'm 15 again, instead of 25. I don't know what to do, which I why I should just start managing my diabetes better. Sure, there will be things I can't control, but I know the paths I need to take to get there.

But unfortunately, the pump doesn't lecture you when you forget a's only your guilty heart and the unwanted sweetness bubbling beneath your skin.

Monday, August 13, 2007

A Birthday, A Poetry Slam, and A New Outlook

Dorkabetic is one year old already! How the time flies! A year ago, I was vowing to make changes, and I started in the right direction, but never really finished. However, in the meantime I've found more support, help and insight than I ever could have imagined here on the good ol' DiabetesOC. Thanks to my readers and my supporters. I keep going because of you guys.

In other news, where the heck have I been?

Why, at the 2007 National Poetry Slam in Austin, Texas! Had there been free Wi-Fi at the hotel (instead of paying an arm and a leg for it every day, or $6.00 for 15 minutes in the lobby) I may have updated while I was there. First of all, Team Wilmington Delaware came in 52 out of 75! This is a personal best for any team from Delaware. We were just .3 points from placing first in our second bout, and had we pulled that one off, we would have been 31 out of 75. I'm proud of my team, proud of my friends, and proud to be a part of something so freakin' cool. I have so many new ideas floating in my head now. I can't wait to get them out and turn them into something. Also, almost all of my team climbed into bed for a video blog post, but for some reason I can't get it posted right now. I'll try and get it up in the next day or so for your giggling pleasure.

Had a visit with Nancy the NP today, the first I've seen her in ages. It's all my own fault. I am trying to nail down a routine that will finally become routine for me. I am going to try Symlin again, to see how that goes. Any tips will be greatly appreciated. I am going to also try and get more regular excercise. My wonderful hubby is going to try and exercise WITH me, because we both could really use it. Perhaps after we move sometime in the fall we can join a gym together, or the Y or something. For now, I plan on splitting my time between Curves (with just me) and the workout room at our apartment complex with Matt.

I am more than ready for improvements. Having my uncle moved to a home because of his rapidly-progressing HIV (the symptoms of which he ignored for a long time...) has sparked me to do some thinking. I have an invisible disease, but it's time it becomes more visible in my life. I can't ignore things anymore. I don't want to end up with problems that come on sooner than necessary. You might even start seeing some more posts around here analyizing numbers and other raw diabetes data.

As I move into another year of Dorkabetic, I hope I can move into a year of improving A1c's and an improving outlook on my diabetes in general. I hope that you're all looking forward to coming along on the ride with me.