Friday, September 30, 2011

5 Years and Then Some

Did you know that the traditional 5-year anniversary gift in the UK is sugar?  [Well, that's at least what Wikipedia says, and Wikipedia is never wrong, right?]

One of the things that got me interested in blogging in the first place was visiting the forums at the American Diabetes Association and seeing moms there fretting that their Type 1 kids would never find love or happiness.  Maybe no one would marry their sons or daughters because of diabetes.  Somebody needed to prove those moms wrong and reassure them that everything was gonna be okay.

I was engaged when I started Dorkabetic, then got married a couple of months later.  Matt has never known me without diabetes.  We were together when I got my first pump.  While diabetes can cause some worries that I'm sure couples without diabetes don't have to deal with, it shouldn't stop you from being in love.  I mean, just look at how disgustingly cute we are.  I will give you a high blood sugar just by merely showing you these photos!

OMG. Best. Cake. Ever. Wish I could have it every year.
Mmm, carbs.  There we are, on our big day.  Matt is seriously my best friend, my favorite person in the universe.  I am so glad we found each other.  I couldn't ask for a better husband. 

He goes to the D-Meetups with me! (And Allison and Scott and Kelly and Gary and Betty)
Plus he's just so freaking cute.  I can't stand it.

And silly, too.  We are both very silly people.
Happy Anniversary, Matt!  <3

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Much like relationships on Facebook, it's complicated.

I'd like you to picture a seesaw, or a tire swing, or a pendulum.  Anything that constantly goes up and down, or back and forth, or both.

I've talked of my depression before, of the medication that keeps me stable.  Lately, I've been feeling like I'm not sure what I want, who I want, how I'm going to get anywhere.  I have moments of great hollowness where I dig to the bottom and find nothing exceptional.  I have moments where I see love everywhere, and sunshine and rainbows and cuddly little baby bunnies.

This is how I've felt lately.  Good, bad, good, bad, better, worse, better, worse, good.

Overall, of course, my direction is positive.  I have not lost hope.  Maybe I just need an adjustment of the aforementioned medication.

I am wondering if it's just because the time until I turn 30 is constantly shrinking.  It's less than 5 months away.  I'm not one of those people who's afraid to turn 30, but my recurring feelings tell me I'm not where I'm supposed to be.  This is not what I expected.  My biological clock is occasionally yelling at me these days, rather aggressively, and I respond to it the same way I respond to my first alarm every workday morning, "Ugh, not now."

I haven't written enough poems lately.  I haven't written enough blog posts.  I keep flirting with writing fiction again, as I haven't done it in years.  If there is one thing I know about myself, it's that I am meant to write.  I need to stop denying myself this freedom and pleasure, because maybe that's the one great thing I have going for me all the time.

I own this blog.  I own these words.  I own this sense of self.

Give me the strength to stop neglecting things.  All the things

Friday, September 2, 2011

Friday Fragments

1.  I missed Diabetes Art Day yesterday.  I may have some time to cook up something over the weekend.  Hey, it's never too late for art, right?  Of course not!  A creative lady such as myself knows these things.

2.  Stacey posted about retinopathy recently, and this has got me nervous.  I have finally scheduled an opthamologist appointment for myself coming up on September 22nd.  Keeping up with eye appointments has not been high on my priority list at all.  I think it's been around 4 years now.  Remember a year and a half ago when I made my first visit to a dentist in a few years?  It was 3 trips back after that one to have cavities filled, and I'd never had a cavity in my life before.  I don't know what kind of news there will be about my eyes. 

3.  Can I tell you how excited I am that it's Labor Day weekend?  Even though the year is flying by at an alarming rate, it means fall will be on its way soon enough, and I absolutely love the fall.  Also coming up at the end of September is my 5th wedding anniversary.  Talk about time flying.  Geez.

4.  My friend Jane is an awesome lady who knows how to throw a fabulous party with poetry and cupcakes.  Also she writes horoscopes, which she has confessed are a great way to write love letters to everyone once a week.  I suggest you read them

5.  For the first time in years, I am wearing a medical ID bracelet.  It's actually really cool.  I will be telling you all about that next week, and I am totally excited to announce there will be a giveaway coming up too. 

6.  If you are not my personal Facebook friend, you probably missed this, but one day, as I was scanning a document with one hand and changing some pump supplies with the other, I had this thought: Look at me go!  I can have it all!  I'm like Mary Tyler Moore if she had diab....ohhhh.  Hahaha.  Riiiiight.