Sunday, December 30, 2007

A Visit from Saint Infection

'Twas the day before Christmas, and I had a hunch
That something was wrong when we returned from lunch.
On my ma-in-law's couch I had sudden pains,
I thought 'bout my ovaries, tried to stay sane.
But it was the wrong time to see my monthly friend,
So I hoped this agony would come to an end.
And to my nose it came, a familiar smell,
My infusion set sprung a leak, aww hell.
Matt and I then drove back to my mom's home,
While the pain in my pelvis caused me to moan.

My mom, baking cakes, asked me, "Is it your bladder?"
"I don't know, but it hurts a lot. Something's the matter!"
I sat at the table, filled pumped and primed,
Then we drove to the ER, making good time.
We waited and waited, and so I supposed,
It's Christmas Eve, all the doctors have closed.
We sat in the waiting room, sipping coffee and things,
And I smiled at a 5-year-old in an arm sling.
My mom then joined us; her cakes were done baking.
Just HOW much longer should this be taking?

Now, outdated magazines! Now, reruns of soaps!
Now, when is it my turn? Soon, I should hope!
The others have gone, so when will it be?
Please hurry it up, 'cause I've got to pee!

When they call my name, I happily go,
After 3 and a half hours, with hubby in tow.
Her scrubs red and green, and her cheeriness ample,
The nurse cocked her head, asked "Can you give a sample?"
I grabbed the small cup and went toward the loo.
I knew that holding it was the right thing to do!
I was put on a bed to wait for the doc
In my hospital gown and my undies, no socks.
Doc poked and he prodded and then told me why
My innards were hurting--a nice UTI!

I got dressed again and was dosed with a pill,
Antibiotics are always a thrill.
Big giant white things, seven days, take 'em twice,
But it's now a week later and I still don't feel nice.
So my Christmas was cool, except I was sick.
I got lots of nice stuff from my fam and Saint Nick.
Perhaps I should've had more water to drink,
But the drugs would have cleared things by now, you'd think!

But there's a happy ending to this UTI sorrow:
My doctor's office is open at 8 tomorrow.

Ugh. Let's hope New Year's Eve ends up a little better for everyone involved.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Dorkabetic Holiday Photo Special!

So Christmas is just about here, and it is starting tonight for us. I'm making some roasted chicken breasts, sweet potatoes, green beans, etc. Matt, Nigel and I will be opening presents. We'll probably watch a movie if we have time as well. Tomorrow, Matt and I head off to Williamsport until Wednesday. We'll get to see all of our family, and also some of our friends.

I hope you all have a terrific holiday!

As a treat, I thought I'd post some pics for your enjoyment. Here goes:

Supremely silly. This is my "family", Matt, Nigel and me. I think if we had a gang, from the looks of this pic, we'd be neither east nor west, but "nerdside". Word.
This is Sadako. (Say, "SAH-dah-ko".) Nigel named her after the creepy girl who crawls out of the well in the original Japanese Ringu series. She's not scary at all, but she is by no means normal. And we wonder if she's secretly Japanese. She loooves Miso soup.
That's Nigel's stocking on the right, and Sadako's on the left. Here's a hint,'s full of meat bi-products. Yum.That's right, we have a real tree this year. I love it. Matt's kneeling on the left, decorating. Some musical instrument is in its gig bag on the right.This is the Christmas Skull. He's been up since Halloween as just a skull, but I thought it would be a riot to buy him a hat. Yes, we actually do have that Christmas Amp. The skull and a tiny fake tree sit on it.This is Batman. He lives at the Plymouth Meeting Mall in the mini golf course owned by the comic book store. I think they should have decorated him for the holidays.

Speaking of holidays, I need to get cookin'! Christmas kisses and sugar-free candy canes to all, and to all a good night!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Wondering About the Why's, or Cushing's is not Cushy at All

For some time now, my mom has had various symptoms of something the doctors can never seem to define. They always chalk it up to the fact that she's heading further into her 50's, or that she's overweight, and it was only a matter of time.

Forgetfulness, sleep apnea, swelling in her legs (she's already got bad knees), the early onset of osteoporosis, depression/anxiety (as a divorcee with a lot of other family issues right now, this seems common), and her hair has been thinning for years.

But one day, it started sprouting up all over her body. Her back, her arms, her face, her toes were suddenly really hairy, but the hair was falling quickly out of her head. As this progressed, she realized it was probably some kind of hormonal issue, so since my mom is whip-smart, she called up my old endo in Williamsport and made an appointment for herself. In the meantime, she had an appointment with her regular doctor. He told her she really needed to lose weight if she wanted to be a candidate for a knee replacement. And she ESPECIALLY needed to lose weight because her fasting blood glucose was high, as were her blood pressure and cholesterol levels.

These things were NEVER problems for her before, and my mom stays up to date on her physical exams. It's not like it had been years since she'd seen her family doc. She described some problems she was having, and he sent her for a CAT scan.

About two weeks ago, my old endo's office calls my mom to ask her if she could come in earlier than her scheduled appointment in January. They'd had a cancellation. Mom took an early appointment.

Finally, after years of everybody overlooking her problems due to her age/weight, there was an answer. Dr. S (for SuperEndo, lol) broke the's Cushing's. Disease or Syndrome, it's not certain yet. She has to have more tests done. Mom and I are both holding our breath that once they treat this, some of her problems will finally disappear. I don't know if Cushing's is genetic or not, but reading over the list of symptoms, so many of them sound like me:

-Thin arms and legs, carrying weight in the body's midsection
-Loss of libido
-Rapid heartbeat/palpitations
-Oily Skin
-Below Normal Body Temperature
-Fatigue/Waking feeling unrefreshed
-Swelling in hands/feet (ankles and feet for me?)
-Hyperlipidemia (saw it on my chart at the endo's office)
-Insulin Resistance

I really feel for my mom, and I really wonder about myself. Sure, these are only a few symptoms, but I always feel like nobody takes the time to thoroughly investigate my health concerns because I have diabetes, and I'm definitely not an ideal weight. And every endocrine-related issue out there seems to have symptoms that overlap, so maybe it's my thyroid (which I'm always told it isn't), or maybe it's Cushing's, or maybe it's just diabetes. Someone even asked me once if I have PCOS, but when I said I'd never been checked, they just said I'd have irregular periods.

Someone who's been on birth control for 4 years shouldn't be having irregular periods, don't you think?

But diabetes doesn't explain my body, and how it's a smaller version of my mom's. And it's never quite explained the swelling in my legs and ankles; I've never been told I have poor circulation, and my sensation tests always come out normal. Diabetes doesn't explain my at times severe acne, or my body temperature that's usually hovering around 97.7 degrees F. If I'm "normal" at 98.6 degrees, I feel feverish sometimes.

You know what? I'm excited that I'll be seeing a new endo soon. I plan on venting all of this frustration to see what comes of it. Maybe I should print out this post and take it with me. It could be something other than diabetes. Perhaps it's ALL diabetes, and all my previous doctors were just being vague with me.

I want, hell, I deserve some answers here. This is my body. I live in it; it's my home. I just want it to stop feeling like a foreign entity.

Monday, December 17, 2007

"We Are Okay in a Misguided Sadist Way"

Listening to Glassjaw at the moment while applying for some jobs online.

Music says a lot about a person. I think a lot of people who meet me wouldn't believe some of the music I like to listen to, and this goes for all kinds of people. Hipsters might not necessarily realize I like Fall Out Boy and No Doubt. People who like rap and hip-hop probably wouldn't peg me as the kind of person who likes songs like "99 Problems".

Here's a sampling of some bands/artists that I like, in an effort for you to know more about me:

The Faint
Rilo Kiley
Bright Eyes
No Doubt
Fall Out Boy
The International Noise Conspiracy
Saul Williams
Fiona Apple
Franz Ferdinand
Phantom Planet
Regina Spektor
TV on the Radio
Green Day
Gwen Stefani
Amy Winehouse
Lily Allen
Reel Big Fish
Foo Fighters
The Misfits
Blinker the Star
The Decemberists
Death Cab for Cutie
Ben Folds (with or without the Five)
Motion City Soundtrack
The Killers

And that's just a short list. But you've got rap, ska, punk, indie, screamy dudes, keyboard driven pop-rock...there's a ton of stuff. I mean, looking at the list, it seems fairly cohesive to me.

But I like what I like, and that even includes disco, showtunes, and a ton of 80's music.

What's your favorite music?

Thursday, December 13, 2007

The Questions We Face

Sometimes, I go to the doctor's office, and even though I have diabetes, I feel pretty normal. Maybe I'm there for a sinus infection or a mysterious rash. It's some kind of general illness, the type of visit where my prescriptions will be minimal, no one will poke at my feet with a pin, and no one will request a full record of my blood sugars.

It's just like a regular drill for me. Old hat, I suppose.

Matt has been sick. I found us a doctor here in Blue Bell, and we went for an appointment last night so he could see about getting some antibiotics. I realize, by accompanying him, how foreign doctor's offices can be for most people. He frowned over the forms he had to fill out. I am not a fan of endless paperwork myself, but the questions were different coming from him. The corner of Matt's mouth turned down, and he leaned into me. "Which number is the ID number?" He looked at his insurance card and the multiple sets of numbers that are on the front. ID number, Group number, RX Bin number, Customer Service phone number. I know which of these is which even when they're not labeled.

The nurse finally calls him back, and he asks me to come along. He looks a little confused when he's asked to step up on the scale. He seems lost as she takes his blood pressure, asks him a bunch of questions about his family and medical history.

"Are you allergic to any medications?"

"Yes, penicillin and cephalosporins, and I think pseudoephedrine."

"Are you on any medications right now?"


As the nurse ticks down the major list of everything they always ask you as a new patient, I think of how many time I've had to go through this routine over the years. How I would answer the questions differently. Heck, half the time I forget to count insulin as a medication when I answer that question. I think of it more like something that I just use to function; I hold it in the same regard as eating, sleeping, going to the bathroom. It's necessary. Oh, and I guess it's medication, since I need a prescription to obtain it.

Family histories come up. Matt's mom has Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. His dad had Thyroid Cancer. Maybe some high blood pressure in his grandparents. Maybe a stroke. One great grandmother with type 2. No stomach or digestive issues. No other major cancer issues. Minimal heart problems.

I think about my Mom's many medical issues over the years, the latest being a potential adrenal problem (but I don't know more about it yet, she just found out today), of my grandfather's skin cancer, my dad's and grandfather's prostate cancer, everybody's high blood pressure (except for my mom), my dad's heart problems (his dad died from a heart attack, too)...I could go on. And on.

We both really liked the new doctor. She seemed really cool. She recommended Matt make an appointment for a physical, so he can get some thyroid tests done, etc. I ask the doc for a recommendation for a new endo, and she told me about one she thinks is really nice and knowledgeable. He got his prescription. We went to get it filled and have some dinner.

I have appointments to make for myself in the near future.

But the whole thing just makes me wonder...what is a healthy family like these days? What's normal to have in your medical history in terms of the bad stuff? When I read off my laundry list of medications and family conditions, do I sound like the average person, or am I some kind of extremist?

Merry-Go-Round Massacre!

It seems over the past week, everywhere I go I come up with a title for a B-Horror flick that has yet to be made. It started with "Cannibal Club Owners", and today brought me to "The Merry-Go-Round Massacre"! On my way out Christmas shopping, I noticed one of those massive Christmas inflatables in someone's yard--a snow globe with a revolving carousel in the center. Earlier in the week, Frosty, Rudolph, and Santa were riding in circles together. Today, they are just hanging skins on a rotating post. How macabre! Hmm, anybody ever see that movie "Black Christmas"? It may have been like that.

However, over the past few days I feel like I've been on that carousel of doom. Up and down and up and down, swirly organ music is optional, but the boop-BEEP-boop of my pump should be in the background for sure. Here's how the ride plays out, in a nutshell:

DOWN: Get my period. Woo hoo, if you really want to know.

UP: Go to Curves and work out, get to chat with the ladies I always see. Come home, email, Nigel comes home, Matt comes home, and then we end up going to dinner with our friend Mike. Tasty Vietnamese/Thai food.

DOWN: Get back from dinner. Pump beeps, wants a battery. No big deal. I sit on the couch. Pump beeps again. No delivery. I resume delivery, and stand up. This thing is far from empty. No big deal. I sit down to play cards with the boys. Pump beeps again. No delivery. It seems sitting down is my actual problem, probably blocking the cannula with my innards. I excuse myself to go change my infusion set, delaying the game another five or ten minutes. End up going to bed with a high sugar at 2am.

UP: Wake up when Matt is getting ready for work around 6:30am. Check sugar. 115, but feeling like I'm dropping. I chalk it up to period-related hormonal weirdness.

DOWN: Wake up around 10am, a little sweaty, still feeling odd. Check sugar. 66. Chomp on some glucose tabs. Drink a swig of water. Get back in bed, feeling run over. Sleep 'til noon.

UP: Get up, get dressed, sugar seems steady at 94. Head out for a holiday shopping extravaganza. Stop for fast food. Nom nom nom. Hold a door for a guy at Barnes & Noble, and he thanks me profusely. That may have been the nicest thing anyone had done for him all day, because he said he probably didn't deserve it. "Of course you did," I smile at him. "Merry Christmas!" Continue smiling because I like doing nice things for people, especially at stressful times of year.

DOWN: Bend down to pick up a book in the store, and my pump tumbles out of my bra when I stand up again. Luckily my set has not pulled out at all, and there was no pain. I quickly step aside in the aisle and wind the tubing around my hand, rescuing my pump from its hanging place by my ankle. Feeling like a pile of guano when I finally exit the store, I check my sugar. 239. Ugh, somebody underbolused for that order of small fries. I correct, and move on.

UP: Shop shop shop! Watch me go! I even stop at Curves on my way back from shopping, and I am glad I didn't talk myself out of it. I'm feeling strong these days, and my swollen ankles are making an improvement!

DOWN: Low blood sugar again later at home. 82. Not low for some people, but generally I feel it.

Things could be a lot worse. In fact, I am sure they are getting better. I feel like I'm coming out of my funk a bit, and I'm definitely getting some things accomplished that I've been wanting to do. However, I may be riding the Carousel of Carb-Counting Conniptions for the rest of the holiday season! SCARY!


Or the Frosted Flakes, apparently.

Time to get back on the ride. We'll see what kind of bouncing around tomorrow holds.

Monday, December 10, 2007

It's That Time of Year Again!

So is anyone else finally getting excited for the holidays? It's definitely taken me a while, probably due to the move.

However, a trip to Target with Matt yesterday made me giddy for Christmas gifts, both giving and receiving. A copy of Ken Burns' The War hardcover book for my father-in-law was only $35 instead of $50! We got a mini-stocking and some Christmas mice for Sadako! And some awesome little treasures for Nigel (who might read this, so no spoilers here). Plus, several ideas for what I actually want.

Yet, I wish for things that I won't have until I have a new job, like a savings account. I wish for a job. I wish for furniture to finally make this house a home. I wish for some new friends so I don't have to spend my jobless days at home alone. I wish for insulin that the insurance company doesn't try to limit. I wish for boxes of pump supplies that I don't have to pay for, good blood sugars, and for 10 pounds of me to suddenly disappear.

I'll be satisfied with whatever I get for the holidays. I'm pretty easy to please.

And I plan on some baking. Maybe not a mass amount of cookies or anything, but lately I've been in the mood to bake. I blame the season. This week, I think I'll be making muffins. Next week, who knows? Last week, I made a cake, then was momentarily taken aback because Matt and Nigel both asked, "We don't have any icing, do we?"

I have spent so many years not caring if my cake has icing or not, I didn't even give it a second thought. Sorry boys. Welcome to the world of Baking with Diabetes.

What are you excited for this holiday? What are you wishing for?

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Sullenness with a Sprinkle of Happy News

The happy news is that I have a telephone interview today at 4:00 for a really cool job. Wish me luck!

Not the point of this post, however.

Maybe it's the weather--something to do with the lack of sunshine for the past two weeks, with the snow that's falling today. Maybe it's being alone nearly every weekday. Maybe it's my inadequate use of my anti-depressant medication while I was waiting on my pharmacy, but I am glum today.

It probably started last night, I snapped at Matt for no good reason. Maybe the high blood sugar was to blame, but sometimes I wonder if I blame my moods on my blood sugar too often. But as apologies were made and sadness was talked out, I still didn't feel any better. Matt is really feeling the stress of working and the worry of finishing his Master's. He was busy beating himself up over the fact that he shouldn't have started a job before finishing the thesis.

When I think back on it, he had already pushed back his job start date, and he was terrified that if he tried it again, they would take the job from him. I don't know that they would have, but I've never been an engineer, and Matt didn't have any experience outside the world of academia.

So sometimes it's really hard for him to accept things like having to wear a tie every day except Friday because that's just the way it is. Or that he needs to just come home from work and maybe devote an hour or so to working on his paper, or get up early on the weekends to work on his paper because...that's just how he needs to manage his time.

I am a procrastinator. Always have been, always will be. I think it's practically genetic. But it hasn't been that way for him. Matt likes to get things done, so it's hard for me to understand why he can't just jump in and get to work like he always did before. He says he's fine, but I worry about him a lot. It's hard to believe that someone who's awake in bed worrying about how he's going to manage his time is "fine". All I can do is be supportive.

But by telling him he should just "do what he's supposed to", I feel stressed out. Why? Because I sound like my Mom! More specifically, when my Mom used to talk to me about my diabetes. Inaccurate carb counts? I should just "do what I'm supposed to". No logged glucose numbers prior to a doctor visit? "Why can't you just do what you're supposed to? Don't you want to stay healthy?" I'm eyeballing a plate of cookies, contemplating just one, and there's Mom's frowning face in my mind, with no comments, just a look of disappointment because I'm probably not "doing what I'm supposed to".

But I think all this time, what I was "supposed to" do was make sure I felt sane while taking care of myself. For a while, I never did, so I didn't take the best care of myself. Now I know what I'm supposed to do is make the best efforts that I can. That I should know it's not always going to be perfect, but I should just make the most of things. When you are not the person who actually has diabetes every single day, it's easy to say, "Just do what you're supposed to do!" because you don't realize that it's a situation requiring more nuance than that.

Because at the time, what I was "supposed to do" was get good grades in school in ALL my subjects, including my weakest ones, make sure I was not staying out with my friends too late or I'd get grounded, I was supposed to be doing my chores, supposed to be studying a lot, supposed to be attempting to squeeze in a full life while micro-managing every aspect of my health, all before I was 18. Of course things weren't going to be perfect, so no matter how much I did what I thought was important, it never felt like the right thing.

I think this is something I'll tell Matt tonight. I realize I might sound like an ass just telling him to do what he knows he's supposed to do. I need to justify what I'm trying to tell him.

Or he'll end up like me. Glum and unnecessarily stressed out.

So what is it that you're expected to just DO, and not question, that drags you down?

Monday, December 3, 2007

You Might Have Too Many Online Friends When...

Last night, I had a dream that I was working out at Curves. Of course, it wasn't like any place I'd been in real life, and for some reason they had a front and a back room area to work out in.

The front room was full, so I was sent to the back. Who did I find back there but Kerri and Nicole! The three of us were baffled because we all had no clue the place had a back room, and half of the equipment was broken. There was a treadmill on a really steep incline, but it didn't have any handles to hold onto, and the tread only worked on one side.

It was really weird. Despite all of this, I still didn't get to the gym today.

Maybe it's because I knew you guys wouldn't be there, haha.

However, I did apply for 3 different jobs, hopefully straightened out my prescription situation, and later I'm going to see either "The Darjeeling Limited" or "Lars and the Real Girl" with my friend Mike. (Matt and Nigel are going to band practice. In Delaware. That's dedication, folks.)

Tomorrow, I think I'll hop onto my insurance company's website and find myself some doctors finally. And make appointments. Maybe then, this prescription stuff won't have to be a pain in the butt anymore.


Anybody had a dream about me lately? :)

Friday, November 30, 2007

The Final NaBloPoMo Day!

I made it! Oh crap! I know, it was tough at times, but this was definitely more fun than it was work.

I did it in good company, and I got some friends reading this blog who didn't even know about it before. It's so exciting, I am actually hiccuping right now!

I'm sure the hiccups have nothing to do with NaBloPoMo, but whatever.

The pharmacy hasn't refilled 2 of my 'scripts because apparently the new insurance wants me to switch to generics. I have no problem with generic pills, but I guess now my doctors need to re-write my prescriptions so they aren't brand specific, either that, or specify to my insurance company that I need the brand-name stuff. I'm not sure why the pharmacy just wouldn't give me the generics. Sigh.

Upstairs, there is a chorus of coughing. Matt and Nigel are both sick, and I am still miraculously avoiding it. I should pop a vitamin before bed. Every little bit helps, but bed isn't on the schedule just yet. There's Adult Swim and maybe the late episode of What Not To Wear to be watched.

Sometimes, being unemployed isn't so bad.

Thanks for reading all my crazy posts this month. It's been fun!

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Oh Xmas Amp, Oh Xmas Amp, How Lovely Are Thy Speakers

We have been moving in the last of Nigel's stuff from the apartment tonight. Our old place is now officially empty, and all of our fingers are crossed for the safe return of our security deposit. (Yes, I do tend to think of it as something that's being held hostage in Delaware. Sigh.) A friend is helping us move all of Nigel's boxes in, since she has a Toyota Matrix with fold-down backseat, and it's packed to the gills.

We were just standing around the living room, talking about how it won't take long to at least tidy it up a bit so we can put up Christmas decorations, maybe even get a tree. Our friend looks at Matt's massive, at-least-4-foot-tall bass amp (for his guitar, not a bass) that hasn't yet been taken upstairs and starts giggling.

"I think you should just decorate your amp," she laughs. "Oh, yeah, the presents? Just put them under the Christmas Amp!"

This sends most of us into our own giggle fit. We talk about how we'll wrap it in strings of lights, and just throw some tinsel at it to see if it will stick. Nigel suggests we put some kind of star on the top, probably affixing that to a sharpened stick that we just pop into the center.

I'm thinking to myself, If that's not festive enough, we could maybe hook up the iPod to the speakers and have it play "A Punk Rock Christmas" by the Sex Pistols all day, and possibly "Oi to the World" by The Vandals.

Hopefully the boys will take the amp upstairs soon, and we'll buy a real tree.

However, there is a light-up skull that is still in our window from Halloween, and I am thinking of putting a Santa hat on it and plugging it in....

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Soapbox Moment #2 This Week

The Republican YouTube Debate is on CNN, and I spent a great amount of time flipping off the TV screen when the topics of Roe v. Wade and gay marriage came up.

I am pro-choice, and pro-gay-rights, including marriage rights.

Every time I see one of those, "It's Not a Choice, It's a Child" bumper stickers, I want to rear end someone. I personally don't know that I could go through with an abortion, but being pro-choice is just that--not letting the government hold jurisdiction over a woman's body. And too many people out there confuse birth control with abortion. It's a choice, and nothing, to me, is more important than letting people HAVE a choice. If you don't support abortion, I can understand that, but why do some folks think that being pro-CHOICE is just like being pro-INFANT DEATH?

And what, exactly, is the problem with gay marriage? Why not legalize it? Why not let gays adopt? Look, if celebrities can do it, so should real people. Maybe the problem is not enough HOT celebs are gay and wanting to marry/adopt kids. Let's look at the hierarchy in the mind of a typical American male:

Lesbians Doin' It = HOT
Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton Lesbian Fantasies = HOT
Brad Pitt = He Landed Angelina, so he's gotta be HOT, but uuuhhhh not in a gay way.
Brokeback Mountain = GROSS
Rosie O'Donnell = GROSS & FAT
Melissa Etheridge = NOT PRETTY
Portia DiRossi = HOT, but not when she's with her girlfriend, Ellen DeGeneres

Maybe what needs to happen is that two hot young starlets need to fall madly in love, then very publically adopt a kid. It might then be at least thought of as "novel", like little dogs in purses or an Angelina-like collection of adopted offspring. That's probably the first step in becoming acceptable.

Did anybody catch any part of this debate as it may have related to healthcare? I didn't see anything, but I came in after it had started.

Job interview tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Diabetes and the Vegan Diet: What do you think?

I was wandering around Barnes & Noble today when I came upon a book called Skinny Bitch in the Kitch, and I became curious about it. Despite its chick-lit-esque cover and title, this is pretty much a vegan/raw foods cookbook. It's apparently the sequel to a book called Skinny Bitch. This is where things get complicated in my mind.

Did the authors of this book intend to at least make the habits of the typically American obsessed dieter more healthy? Or are they saying a veggie lifestyle is the only diet that will really make you thinner and healthier? The book description of Skinny Bitch on tells us this is a book that "encourages women to get excited about feeling 'clean, pure and energized'". I'm not sure about you, but I typically feel "clean, pure and energized" after a shower, not necessarily always after a meal, no matter how healthy.

One of the authors of this book has a Master's Degree in Holistic Nutrition, and that title alone, I think, should cause many diabetics to bristle. How many websites are there devoted to "Noni Juice Cures" or what have you?

I'm concerned that this book exists in such a mainstream way. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with healthy eating, and I'm definitely not saying we should just eat whatever overprocessed junk we feel like every single day. I just think that being a vegetarian/vegan/raw food kind of person is not the best choice for everyone out there.

I would be a very unhappy camper to be without cheese, yogurt, chicken, steak, even burgers. And I would be even more unhappy if I couldn't eat anything cooked.

I have a friend who is into constantly modifying her diet, but it hasn't helped her feel less stressed, and it hasn't solved her thyroid issues. It gives her a feeling of control over something, and also, she generally thinks meat is disgusting as a matter of taste. But I just want to yell at her sometimes. She does those juice fasts and colon cleanses once in a while, and I just don't think there's anything healthy about that at all. But she hears they're "Soooo good for you."

Studies have shown that a vegan diet can be helpful for some Type 2's, but you know they had to be carefully monitored and unfamiliar with the vegan lifestyle. If a doctor said that vegans always eat healthy, they probably tried to eat as healthy as possible. But you could eat nothing but potato chips fried in sunflower oil. You could still have a regular Coke (assuming that has no animal products in it). I'm sure vegan-friendly baked goods aren't exactly devoid of calories and fat either. I think you see what I'm trying to say here.

Now, somehow I discover that a documentary is set to release next year, called Raw for 30 Days. "Can a diabetic thrive without insulin and other drugs?" asks the website. "Can diabetes be reversed or cured with a diet?" Type 1s and LADAs, let's stand up and yell it, all together now:


Well, not for us anyway. Dead islet cells are dead islet cells. I hope if this documentary gets big that someone involved with its production has the cojones to tell us that. By reading the synopsis of the movie, I'm sure all the participants improve by the end of the film. It's unclear what type they have, but giving up the comforts of home and the stress of family for 30 days gives you a LOT of time to focus on yourself and your diabetes. I'm sure there is time allotted for everyone to exercise and all their food is healthy food. I'll bet everyone's A1C's are better by the end of the month. If I had that kind of time with no unexpected crisis or diversion, I'm sure I'd be pretty damn healthy too.

I feel like I've made some kind of very roundabout point here. I guess my main point is that I'm a little afraid of those who are so militant about dietary extremes curing disease or obesity.

Trust me, I've seen some unhealthy looking vegans in the past few years. Explain to me how a 22-year-old vegan who doesn't drink and is fairly bony-looking can have a potbelly. Really.

But mostly, I'm afraid of the wide release of a documentary that could be misleading to many people out there with diabetes--people who think a change in their diet will be the only thing they ever need to get back to normal.

Face it, D-Friends, sometimes we're just going to need that medication. And always, some of us are going to need that insulin...until they find a real, medical cure.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Home Sweet Yuppietown Home

Finally, the time to breathe has arrived once again. Since the middle of last week, the following things have happened, and I feel that I've had ZERO time to write about any of them in-depth. Here's a list post for you instead, haha:

1. I found a dress to wear to the Christmas party! Thank goodness for the local Fashion Bug store! A bonus of this is that it cost me under $50, it's sparkly, and it makes me look like I have a waist.

2. Now I'll need to buy shoes.

3. Some jerk backed into my car while I was waiting in the drive-thru at McDonalds. Is this what I get for wanting a Double Cheeseburger when there's a perfectly good can of soup in my pantry? Usually my karma isn't that bad. An extremely nice, shiny, black Acura backed right into my passenger side, leaving an ugly scrape at the bottom of my fender and halfway across my rear passenger door. Luckily, my little Saturn is made of plastic, so it didn't dent. Unluckily, the guy who hit me was not polite enough to stop and survey the damage to my own car or his. I parked after he hit me, grabbed my insurance card and walked to where his car HAD been parked. It was now turning onto the main road, driving out of sight. I cried. I called my mom and asked for advice. I called my insurance company anyway, so now I go to a body shop Wednesday morning to get an estimate on what it will take to make my car look decent again.

4. Pump supplies should be arriving this week! Thank goodness for smooth transitions to new insurance companies.

5. No word yet on my Wellbutrin refill. Apparently this is a drug requiring "prior approval" or something from my new insurance company. Hopefully they figure this out in the next couple of days. I don't want to have panic attacks at the end of the week because I've run out of medication.

6. Thanksgiving was fun, and full of waaay too many carbs that were tasty and delicious. I think I handled it the best that I could, even though family stuff is stressful these days. How so?

A. My Uncle John is doing better and has moved into a group home setting. He is free to come and go as he pleases, but apparently he regularly goes out in the evening and comes back drunk. He's started smoking again, too. My mom is still very stressed about his situation, and she is worried his behavior will get him kicked out of the home. This is completely understandable, but I also really feel for my uncle. It must be incredibly difficult to go from being stubborn and extremely independent to being stubborn and limited in what you can do/where you can go. There is talk of getting him to go to a therapist, and I hope that he will, and I hope that he can take it seriously. Things will never go back to the way he'd want them to be, and that has to be one of the hardest things he's ever had to accept.

Ultimately, he may only have a short time left, and I want him to be happy. He cries sometimes while he's telling stories about his life, and I don't want to end up crying telling the same exact stories way sooner than necessary.

B. Got to hear some interesting banter between my mother-in-law and her fiancé--turns out sometimes getting an annulment from the Catholic church isn't an easy process. I'm not clear on why my m-i-l needs an annulment, though, since she was already divorced prior to becoming Catholic, and she was never married in a Catholic church. Anybody care to shed some light on this for me?

C. Got to meet my father-in-law's fiancé's parents. They seemed like nice, chatty people, so even if they are fans of Bill O'Reilly, I won't hold it against them. Nobody turned the conversation to politics, and we had a delightful time eating fried turkey, petting my f-i-l's fat pet cat, and playing Cranium.

D. My mom is having health issues. Some relating to hormones, some relating to her knee, and some relating to the nasty Staph infection she's been battling for the past several weeks. Add to this the stress of my uncle's finances, dealing with my grandparents, and trying to pass her insurance license test even though she doesn't seem to care much about it...well, I'm definitely worried about her. Anybody know a nice way to suggest to someone that you're worried about their mental health, and that they may want to consider finding a new therapist? Mom's last therapist apparently passed away from a heart attack sometime after she stopped needing to see him. Yikes.

E. My brother-in-law is applying to colleges. It seems like only yesterday he was camped out under that table in Matt's old house, spying on us whenever we came over after a date. He was probably 9 or so, and the most memorable of these occasions was the time he chose to spy on us with binoculars. They peeked out from under the table cloth of the side table in the kitchen, and if we'd yell at him, he'd just pull them under. Two minutes later, they were out again. Incredibly hilarious, even to this day.

So that's sort of the skinny on my Thanksgiving weekend. My dear hubby needs his computer back, though, so I guess I'll let him in. He's not feeling very well, but surprisingly, I haven't caught his cold yet. Maybe it's the Airborne I've been taking, which is sugar-free and has kind of a pleasant flavor, unlike sugar-free Cold-Eeze. Yuck-o. Time to go relax!

Haha, so much for a real update.

My friend Mike has us all addicted to the card game Spades.

I just spent a bunch of time over there drinking and playing cards.

I will say to you again, I am not always the best example to follow. However, I should get to bed because I need to get up early tomorrow to take care of something. Something which I will report on tomorrow sometime.

I feel rambly. Must be the drinks. Oops. Night all.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Williamsport, PA

Does the name of my hometown sound familiar to you? Perhaps it's because it's the home of the Little League Baseball World Series. If you've ever watched this event on TV in August, you've seen a small part of my hometown.

Here's a secret for you: ESPN says that they are broadcasting from Williamsport, Pennsylvania, but if you want to get really technical about it, the stadiums where they play the games are in South Williamsport, which has a different zip code.

Living in a larger metropolitan area these days, this doesn't seem like a big deal. I'm just around the corner from Philadelphia, and there are a ton of zips for Philly.

But growing up here, I always feel like people treat South Williamsport as a completely different town, even though it's right across the river. I guess it's because it has its own school district? When I think about it too much these days, it confuses me.

Tomorrow is our last day here. Expect an update from Blue Bell tomorrow night, and just in time. I am looking forward to getting back to my cable internet!

Friday, November 23, 2007

Keeping Up with the PoMos

Another day, another post.

I had forgotten how slow dial-up can be.

Tonight, Mom is taking us out for Mexican. We may rent a movie after, or something like that.

Family-wise, it's been an interesting holiday so far. More to come on that.

In good news, Dan did indeed get a glucagon kit. I'm hoping to get my mother-in-law's email address so I can share a bit of the Diabetes OC with her. If she's found a pie recipe on, it seems like the next logical step in helping her better understand her future husband's health issues. Matt's mom was always the type to devour books and information on subjects she was interested in, so it definitely couldn't hurt!

Mmmm. Splenda-sweetened cherry pie is just as tasty the day after Thanksgiving for breakfast as it was on Thanksgiving for dessert.

However, I should be off to go chow down on some burritos. Once again, I didn't expect carb counting to be remotely close this weekend, and the best thing I can do for me is avoid beating myself up over things. And corrections. Vigilant corrections. How's everyone else's holiday been?

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Turkey Basal Rates! (giggle @ Kerri.)

Happy Thanksgiving, blogosphere!

I had 3 kinds of sugar-free pie, and probably more carbs than I could count. I'll be correcting until bedtime, but right now, I'm enjoying the company of others more than worrying about what goes in my belly. Next week, it'll be back to the gym--which seems odd for me to say, but I mean it this year. Whee!

Special note to d-bloggers: my mom-in-law made a chocolate peanut butter pie recipe from the DLife website! I think her fiance is leaving now, so I might get a chance to follow up on his low blood sugar situations. Should be interesting.

Tonight I get to see my "little brother", Tom. We grew up together, and we've been friends since he was 4 and I was 5. Sure, we had our rough times, but he was the best man at my wedding, and we've always kept in touch. Can't wait to hear what's new with him, and meet his new girlfriend.

All right, more coffee will be in order if I'm to last throughout the evening. I'll try my best to squeeze in another update tomorrow. It's weird to think that NaBloPoMo won't be going on for much longer. If I can make it through the holiday, I can definitely finish out the month.

Happy Turkeys to all, and to all a good night!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Unknown Bonus of Moving!

Apparently, in Blue Bell, your home comes with a free cat to protect your closet.

That's Sadako. Technically, she's Nigel's, but she's cute and fuzzy, so we all love her.

Not much time to post. Too much to do before driving off to Williamsport for the weekend. Some frustrations today, but I might have to mention those tomorrow.

Everybody have a Happy Thanksgiving, no matter where you are!


So do you actually pronounce it 'mee-mee' or 'meem'? I'm never sure. But I've been tagged by at least five people to do this here thang, including Jillian, Nicole, Drea, LandiLeigh and Bad Decision Maker (I'm sure I've missed somebody out there)!

Here are the rules:

1. Link to the person’s blog who tagged you.
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself.
4. Tag seven random people at the end of your post.
5. Let each person know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
Thanks & have fun!

So here's my 7 things:

1. The band I have seen the most in concert is Ozma. I even had a sort of internet fling with their former drummer, and then I wrote a bunch of poems about it that I put into a chapbook. I'm not sure I have any copies of it left. Anyway, I've seen them at least six times since 2002, I believe. They are still one of my favorites. Their songs are fun and sometimes a little dorky, just like me.

2. I cannot STAND the word 'eyesore'. I think it's the worst word ever.

3. Some people have a huge preference over Coke or Pepsi, but I just buy whatever is on sale. I think they're all enjoyable. And yes, I buy diet.

4. I drive a green 1998 Saturn sedan. It has a Hello Kitty license plate on the front that my dad painted for me, however, I've noticed recently there is a paint chip which makes her look like she has angry eyebrows!

5. One of my least favorite foods is peas, but once in a while they're okay mixed in with other things. I don't usually like cooked carrots, but I do enjoy raw ones. And I'm not a fan of raw tomatoes, but cooked ones I like. However, if you put some olive oil and a lot of oregano, basil and cheese on a raw tomato, I might eat it. Mmm.

6. A friend of mine has recently gotten me back into reading comic books. If you've ever liked fairy tales, check out the "Fables" series; it's about storybook characters trying to get by in the real world. Just don't think of it like that new Disney movie coming out, "Enchanted". This is a completely different kind of thing. But, um, I think I wanna see that Disney thing. It looks fun.

7. I don't always brush my teeth before I go to bed. Sometimes I'd just rather get the extra rest and do it in the damn morning.

Umm...tagging. I'm not going to bother. This has been spreading like wildfire, so if by chance no one has tagged you, and you're reading this, consider yourself tagged!

That was entertaining!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

First I Shopped, Now I've Dropped

(Attention readers: this is a post where I blather about shopping at length. If you don't really care about shopping, I won't be offended if you decide to turn your attentions elsewhere. Really.)

The King of Prussia Mall is one of the largest malls in the country, and for all intents and purposes, it's practically around the corner from my house. Surely, here is a place I could find a dress to wear to Matt's company's holiday party.


After a disappointment yesterday at the Torrid store at the Montgomery Mall, I still ended up with some casual wear. Therefore, no casual wear needed to be purchased today. Otherwise, I may have ended up with a couple bagfuls of cute finds.

However, here's how the dress search has gone thus far:

Yesterday at Torrid, I tried on a couple of dresses that caught my eye. The one in the pic from my post the other day wasn't in my size at the store. One dress was just kind of eh, and the other was a bit better, however, not ideal. When designing a plus-sized dress with a band in the middle, the designers don't generally take into account that it just MAY be the thickest part of someone's waist. No flattery. Though I did score an adorable Catwoman t-shirt and a cute sweater-jacket-thing.

Today, King of Prussia, or, the K 0' P. Upon entering this mecca of shopping, I am faced with stores that most likely sneer at someone of my size, not to mention sneer at my idea of a sensible price range. The first stores I see are Louis Vuitton, Ferragamo, and Lilly Pulitzer. (I must admit, though, Ferragamo had some hot boots in the window and Lilly Pulitzer is pretty cute.) Consulting the handy mall directory, as I would many times throughout the afternoon, I decide to head for everyone's plus-size staple store, Lane Bryant.

They have one dress. I try it on. It looks like a potato sack, except it's pretty, black and made of velvet. Those are some damn fine potatoes they sell in these things. I look ridiculous. Before I move on to another store, I buy some bras. Not what I came in for, but always a good purchase.

Moseying around the corner, I find the Sanrio store, and I must go in. Don't worry, kids, I didn't buy a Hello Kitty coffee maker or anything. I did ogle a Hello Kitty laptop case (for that MacBook I keep dreaming of) and pick up a couple little things that will be a gift for a friend.

I make the considerable hike down to the Nordstrom store. On their website, they have many adorable plus-size evening dresses to choose from. In the store, not so much. I find maybe a dozen styles total, most meant to be worn by ladies of a certain age. No offense to anyone out there, but I find that whole Dynasty-esque heavily beaded jacket with coordinating skirt combo a little ridiculous on a 25-year-old. The dresses that I do find that are cute are definitely not in my size. I pause to ogle some expensive shoes, because the shoe department at Nordstrom is HUGE, but then I move on.

I have been walking for a long time and a long distance at this point. My limbs are starting to ache and I am frustrated at the lack of upscale fashion options for anyone over a size 14 at this monster mall. I mean, come on, the freakin' DEB shop there doesn't carry plus sizes! I haven't seen a DEB shop without them in like 5 years. I pause on a bench at the walkway between the 2 parts of the mall (The Court & The Plaza, respectively) and call Matt. We chat for a few minutes and by then, my pain subsides and I'm ready for more.

Into The Court I go. I walk into the Macy's store. Surely Macy's will have at least a couple of dresses for a girl like me.

Not a single one. Not in the plus department. Not in the dress department, which was chock full o' dresses for anyone in between a 2 and a 16 if they're lucky. I envy you and your cute, easy selections.

I attempt a last-ditch effort trip to Bloomingdale's. I find 3 dresses which I think are gorgeous, and I don't try on a single one, because they are all $225 or more.

Somewhere in the middle of all this I wandered into Sephora, which is just like walking into a candy store, except way better on your blood sugar levels. Colors and smells and shiny things! I walked out with this Urban Decay eyeshadow palette which I've been coveting ever since I saw it online. Hey, if I can't have the stunning dress I want, I can have the stunning makeup I want.

So it's back to the drawing board. Or the internet. Or the stores I haven't visited yet.

Tomorrow I'm heading to Fashion Bug, Avenue, and maybe even David's Bridal. Sometimes you can get a pretty good deal on last season's evening wear there. And I know all of these places will at least have SOMETHING in my size. If that's no good, I'll probably spend the evening online, spending money.

I just want to find something soon, because then, I have to figure out the best way to conceal my pump under it.

It was a workout, it was a mildly stressful experience, but it wasn't all that terrible. I may even go back to King of Prussia, but probably NOT during holiday shopping time. Well, I didn't happen to make it to Urban Outfitters, so maybe if I only go there...

Hmm, so there's the scoop on the K o' P, one of the largest shopping malls in the world!

Coming tomorrow...answers to some of your burning questions!

Monday, November 19, 2007


Yup, I saw it.

Yup, it was both gorey and three-dimensional.

All in all, it was fun.

I wouldn't call it good, but fun.

What kind of crappy movies do you like to watch? I guess I use the term "crap" loosely, since I think a lot of people expect me to be the intellectual movie watcher.

However, I like Japanese horror, zombie flicks, and kung fu movies. I'm looking forward to seeing "Hitman" when it comes out, but I don't expect it to be great cinema. I also love "To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar".

'Fess up, blog-o-spheres!!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

I Know We Don't Live Here Anymore...

I shouldn't be crying over this, I told myself. And yet, like the sap that I am, there I was.

Sitting in the corner of our empty Delaware living room, sniffling, the images in my mind caused my tears. Over there was where we had the TV when we first moved in, with the couch directly in front of it. It was before Nigel had even moved in, and our friend Evan was living with us. Surrounded by boxes, we squished together on the uncomfortable old couch and watched movies until they hooked up the cable.

On that wall was where we moved the newer thrift store couch we brought in later. Then Nigel camped out on it for about 2 months while the performance shop screwed up his car while swapping out the engine. If Matt couldn't give him a ride to work (right up the road back then), Nigel would hop on his skateboard and go.

Sitting on the porch after work, reading until sunset. Sitting on the porch at our parties, hanging out with my cigarette-smoking friends. And oh, all our parties. Hugs, snacks, drinks, movie nights, video game nights, chatting with people you only got to see every two months or so, the endless and sometimes maniacal laughter...

We have so many friends in Delaware, and leaving them behind might be harder than I thought.

But then I see the blinds that fell down that management never cared about replacing. I see the dryer that took us 6 months to get, even though I called the office every other week to complain the old one was broken. The thermostat with a mind of its own, leading to the air conditioning that couldn't even keep a tiny apartment under 85 on a hot day. We were told nothing was wrong with it. The toilet that constantly clogged. The dishwasher that was both ancient and inconvenient, with broken racks and a door that would get stuck under the edge of the kitchen counter. Lugging EVERYTHING up and down 3 flights of stairs. All the fretting about the stupid tow trucks. Matt's Moped getting stolen twice, and us never bothering to pick it up from the impound the second time because it was just too fucking expensive to pay to retrieve something that was UNLAWFULLY TAKEN from the parking lot...

I can take the good memories with me.

And happily, I can leave the shit behind.

Plus, once we are finally free of the old place, we can make this new one even more like home.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Happy Friday to All!

Nerdy happy dorky funtime can soon as we find our router. George especially will be happy to know that we have obtained The Orange Box. Let the game times begin.

Um, as soon as we find our router. Where the hell did that thing go? What box is it hiding in? I'm not convinced it's here. We'll be cleaning our old apartment in Delaware tomorrow, so let's hope we find it there. Or here.

So, NaBloPoMo is a challenge sometimes in that I feel like I'm running out of posts to make. It's harder than you think to blog every single day. I think I'll put this in the hands of the people. What would you like to know about me? Leave me a comment with a suggestion, or ask me a question, and I'll try to blog about it in the days ahead. Whatever you want to hear about, I'll do my best!

Until then, I'll be gaming away. And I'm allowed to--I worked out three times this week, and I've been sticking to my 3-days-a-week schedule for going to Curves. I have very small biceps, and I'm impressed with them. Popeye, eat your heart out. I didn't even need the spinach.

Clothes Horse.

So, I was unsure what to talk about today, since I was lazy and don't really have any adventures or weird health bits to discuss.'s a confession.

I LOVE makeover shows. And, well, not all of them, but I definitely used to be obsessed with Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and now I'm crazy about What Not to Wear.

I like shopping, and I'm not sure where I got that from, because Lord knows my parents both hate it, and I don't think any of my other relatives are keen on it either. I enjoy it, as frustrating as it can be sometimes. As a plus-size lady who is shaped in what seems to be an odd manner, that is, bigger on top than on the bottom, I have issues finding clothes sometimes. Part of this could just be that women's clothing makers are insane. I swear.

How come men get to walk into a US store and their clothes are sized on inches, so they're uniform? I can buy a size 16 in pants at Old Navy, yet I have a pair of shorts from Fashion Bug that are a 20. Generally I come in around an 18 or so. Shirt sizes are bigger, and really annoying. For example, I used to buy all my t-shirts at Target, but they changed their sizing ranges. So what used to be a 22/24 and perfect is now a 20/22 and small. Thanks, jerks.

So I need to find a dress for this Christmas party that's coming up. I was eyeing the dress above today on I have some others I've seen around that I hope will work out. I might be buying some stuff this weekend. I'm a shopper, and not sure how or why, but it makes me happy most days.

And really, I'm into fashion in general. I don't have to be wearing the best designers or super-trendy, and sometimes I don't give a crap what I look like, but generally, I want to look nice. And websites that snark about it are fun. Admit it.

I like Go Fug Yourself, and you probably will too if you enjoy looking at the "Worst Dressed List" of any Hollywood event.

For the plus-sized gals out there, my friend CJ pointed me in the direction of Manolo for the Big Girl, which is a blog all about plus-sized fashion stuff.

And a place I could likely do a ton of holiday shopping this year is, which is like a super-cool internet craft extravaganza. Everything you can buy on the site is handmade. For example, my friend Ciara makes some really fun Domo-Kun cat toys. (And if you don't know why this makes a hilarious cat toy, you should click this, please.)

And of course, all lovers of fashion, and reality shows about it, should rejoice, as the new season of Project Runway started tonight. I, of course, missed it, but I'm sure it could be on again at midnight or something, or some odd time that I'm watching TV tomorrow. Oh, Tim Gunn, I wonder if it's possible that you are my inner motivational speaker (to swipe a phrase from Kerri)...when things go wrong, I hear you saying, slightly disappointed yet still encouraging, "Make it work."

Just like I made this blog entry work. Stay fabulous, dear readers.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

World Diabetes Day

It's something we live with, and we are fortunate enough to be able to do so. People are still dying from diabetes in many parts of the world simply because they cannot afford and/or do not have access to the medical care they need.

Sure, we complain about our insurance, but face it, we are lucky people.

Kudos to the UN for bringing about these efforts. Let's hope they continue far into the future.

In all honesty, I like the blue circle symbol, and if I were to put a magnet on my car, a circle would be way cooler than a ribbon. Anybody know if anyone has made this happen?

Completely unrelated sidenote: any Sitemeter users out there? I think I either need to close my account and start over, or get a new counter for the blog. I've had comments like crazy all week, and yet my Sitemeter report says I've had only one visitor for the week. Lies! All lies! Opinions, my blog friends?

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

I'll be under the blankets if you need me.

For no good reason, it's one of those days. I've snapped at Matt for no reason more than once, and he's been home less than two hours. I had a surprisingly decent job interview today, even though I wasn't sure I wanted to go in the first place. In fact, today has been generally problem-free.

So why, little grey cloud, have you taken up residence over my head? I cried for no reason this afternoon. I figured it's because I forgot my Wellbutrin with lunch, so I took it. But then I realized I forgot my Symlin AND my Metformin...also not a cause of my sadness, but it contributed to some disappointment in myself.

I just feel so blah today. The sun finally came out. I went and worked out at Curves during their "power workout", which happened to be pretty fun. I got some awesome buttons in the mail from Beth! I got some emails from my college best friends.

Lots of things are happy and up, but I just feel so down.

I think it's this whole job search thing starting to get to me. It's been almost a month now, and I think that's when it first sets in. Every doubt I've ever had about my education seems to be trying to scare me at every turn. Why didn't I ever have an internship? Should I have taken more classes in marketing/PR? Should I have pushed myself even more than I did?

My self-doubt says, "These are the reasons no one is calling you. You're just going to be a secretary with a college degree FOREVER. I hope you like drafting creative emails about company meetings for your bland corporate boss! I hope you like wearing pantyhose and neutral-colored nail polish FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!"

"STFU, self-doubt," I say.

"How do you expect to get a job you can manage when you can't even manage your own life? The apartment is a mess, and face it, so is your diabetes."

"It's called 'growing up', Mr. S-D, and I'm still doing it, every damn day. I conquer the mess a little at a time. I conquer my blood sugars a test at a time. It's a plan for now."

"You're never going to be a real adult."

"Let's talk about that when I'm past 30, okay, S-D? You're a real jerk when I need it the least. My workouts are giving me arm muscles. I'm gonna be able to kick your ass next time you get mouthy. Maybe I'll find a job before you decide to come around again. Honestly, if my potential employees would just call me, maybe they'd realize how great I am. Maybe I need to sell myself more in my cover letters. I think I'll go work on that now. AND I'm going to paint my nails sparkly purple. And there's nothing you can do about it."

"Um, your hair? Is frizzy? Or something?"

"I'm done hiding, so stuff it. Nothing a hairbrush can't fix."

I think I need to assign a face to my Self-Doubt, kind of like how Kerri has Larry Bird on her side, I need somebody on my side that I can toss a dart at once in a while. Suggestions?

Monday, November 12, 2007

Poetic License

At the request of the lovely Amylia, I think I'll post a poem today. I've been to 3 different National Poetry Slams, and I've been on 2 teams. What's a poetry slam? What's the National Poetry Slam? I suggest you check here and here, and your questions will be answered.

I write a lot of what are considered performance-oriented pieces. Sometimes I feel my poems are just artfully arranged slices of my life, thought out a little abstractly. However, this thing is just completely silly, which is why I like it so much. I think I am also posting it for George's benefit, since he was the creator of a t-shirt that informed the masses that diabetes "sUx0rZ".

(WARNING TO POETRY PURISTS...if you're expecting "Leaves of Grass" or something like it, you might want to go elsewhere.)

Super-1337 Internet Love Poem



I think U R hawt


Colon, right-facing parenthese. : )

Colon, left-facing parenthese, : (

U R makin’ me sad

U say U won’t go out w/me.

That’s what I get checkin’ name and face

Instead of “martial status”

All up on MySpace.



U R so sweet

Be my less-than-three! <3

I saw your profile on SuicideGirls

(That’s SG)

Baby, you had me at:

“Hi, my name is Drone.

I’m 5’3” and my interests include

Tats, piercings, black hair dye, black eyeliner,

The music of The Smiths, The Cure and Joy Division,

And my exposed ribcage.

My astrological sign? Hmmm…

Definitely Cancer.

And the weirdest place I’ve ever done it is




U roXorZ my Box0rZ

O can’t U C?

That I am t e h suck

And U R t e h rawk

And I am t e h crap

And U R t e h 1337

And I am just the dial-up to your cable modem

And I am the spelling of the word “the” as t-e-h

And U R the complete and utter bastardization of

Proper English and grammar

Via the internet.






U R t e h hawtness!

Plz IM me.


Hope you had fun reading it. I certainly enjoy performing it. Meanwhile, it's lunchtime here in Blue Bell. Think I'll go heat up some soup. Maybe more poems to follow this week.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

It's my 100th post!

So yes, last night I was posting from Nigel's Smartphone-type-thing from a Dunkin Donuts in Delaware, because yesterday was chock full o' action.

Saturday started out with meeting a friend about 5 miles away, taking him out to lunch, and then going to see a robotics competition at a local high school. Yes, this blog is called DORKabetic for a reason, but honestly, I get a little lost listening to my husband and his buddy talking engineering. However, watching robots competing in sports is quite entertaining. I suggest you try it sometime.

After all of that, we came home, chilled out, changed clothes and had to leave for Delaware. Matt and I had a poetry feature at a reading called 2nd Saturday Poets, in Wilmington, that happens...duh...on the 2nd Saturday of every month. It was well-attended, and we heard lots of great work from other Delaware poets. It was a completely different vibe from our usual visits to slam venues, but it was a lot of fun. We sold a bunch of our books and made some money for the feature itself.

We then spent a portion of our feature money at a dinner with some of our friends. It was a long, leisurely dinner, so after that, we decided to call up our friend Rich to see if he was busy. We snagged him for coffee at about 10:30pm. After coffee, we decided to drag him back to PA with us. We stayed up late playing video games.

When we all got up today, we hung around some more, then went out for a tasty Mexican lunch. Post-lunch, we returned home and vegged out. Now we're heading over to a different friend's for snacks and board games. Crazy, crazy, crazy weekend! It's great.

I am hoping I am not catching whatever virus Matt was fighting at the end of the week. I think I may be. Ugh ugh ugh. Time to pop some vitamins and hit the town. Catch you all tomorrow!

Saturday, November 10, 2007


having coffee and hoping to write more later. yes i am lame but thanks nigel for the smartphone. heres to nablopomo.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Happy D-Blog Day!

When I think about how it was well over a year ago that I discovered the Diabetes OC, it's still surprising. Sometimes it's surprising to me that I took the initiative to start a blog at all.

But yet, isn't this how we all felt? I think, if you ask collectively among the diabetes blog community, that we had some kind of mini-epiphany reading the blogs of others. Our misunderstood, difficult-to-manage, unpredictable, frustrating illness was something that was just as misunderstood, difficult-to-manage, unpredictable and frustrating to others. It was like a support group without the lame introductions.

Reading D-Blogs has been a reminder for me that times can get tough, but we can make it through them. That when in doubt, you should test. That most of all, no matter what kind of crap diabetes tries to bring into your life, you should live life just as vibrantly and fully as if it wasn't a problem.

Now that doesn't mean that you should go on some kind of cupcake binge, but if by some chance you DO go on that cupcake binge, make sure you correct for it, and try not to beat yourself up over it. Temptation happens, and sometimes it's easier to give in than to pretend that you're perfectly happy snacking on some veggies when what you really want is a freakin' chocolate chip cookie.

Keeping a diabetes blog makes me feel more responsible for myself. Even if I don't write down my numbers as often as I should, chronicling my life with diabetes keeps me in check of my symptoms, keeps me sane when it seems my ankles will never stop swelling or when Symlin drops my blood sugars like a big-ass rock.

If I don't read someone else's diabetes blog in the course of a day, I feel a little lost. They are my inspiration. They are my sanity. They are ridiculous sometimes, and they make me laugh at stuff that other people might not necessarily understand. (Which reminds me, it's still definitely Time to Change the Lancet around here!) Most of all, I keep up with the lives of my new friends.

If you have commented on my blog ever, thank you. If you read my blog and don't comment, thank you as well--at least you're looking, and I hope you find what you're looking for.

Maybe you sent me an infusion set inserter in a pinch. Maybe you sent me some awesome buttons. Maybe you're just "biased and inflammatory". Maybe you have cute cats, or perhaps cute kids. Maybe you're a ninja!

We're all in this together. Happy D-Blog Day to all my hard-typin', blog-rollin', wit-slingin' diabetes-writin' friends, wherever you are.

I don't care who throws the party when they come up with a cure, but I'll be sure to bring enough cupcakes for everyone.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Happy Birthday, Nigel.

Nigel says, while playing a round of Project Gotham Racing 4: "Gah, stop it with the endos! I don't wanna endo anymore, I just wanna...gooo!" He means:

But of course, I'm thinking of:

Well, sort of. You know, my endo[crinologist] is typically a lot less Doogie Houser. The giant stuffed needle just killed me though.

Happy b-day to my roomie.

And in case you were wondering, he completed his race successfully. Thank God he can't have a Ducati in real life...but I hope he doesn't get any ideas.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Just 5 more! And other numbers.

5 more posts, and I reach 100 posts. What? I don't believe it.

190 = number post-workout today.

1 = number of workouts so far this week, but I plan on 2 more.

140 = number post-workout today.

2 = number of pills taken today thus far, as well as the number of Symlin shots today thus far.

6 = number of recruiters who have called me in regards to my resume.

0 = number of calls I've returned thus far. Having worked in the recruiting industry before, I know not all of these people are going to have the job I'm looking for, let alone ACTUALLY have a job at all. Sometimes they have a job that might be coming up, but it never goes through. Some people are just calling me because I have administrative experience, so they're actually looking for a secretary or an admin assistant, which, in general business definitions, I am NOT. Sure, I can type letters and correspondence, and I can learn just about anything I need to do, but I know very little about Excel, databases, or making travel arrangements. I'm keeping tabs on who calls me and where they're from, then I check out their companies online and make a decision. I'll have some calls to make tomorrow.

0 = also, the number of minutes I have left to keep typing this entry. Matt is tapping his foot, waiting for me to go change clothes so we can go to his co-worker's house for dinner. It's a cooking party, everybody is making something at this person's house. It's a Mediterranean theme dinner, and Matt signed us on to make spinach pie. I have NO experience with phyllo dough or fresh spinach. This should be an adventure. My husband is hoping I'll go change clothes now so we can leave. I guess I'll be nice to him. :)

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

A Job Interview, Produce, and a Fancy Dress

I had a job interview today at 2pm, if you hadn't already read that yesterday. I think the whole thing went pretty well. The company is a family-owned place with a casual dress code, so I could wear jeans every day. Every aspect of my job that I discussed with my interviewers sounded exciting, honestly, and I think that's the most you can hope for at an interview. Sure, some of it might be tedious in nature, but it sounded like the kind of tedious work that I kind of like doing. Some of it sounded like an immense challenge, but one that I really wanted to try.

I sent them a nice thank-you email and a list of references. Now it's time for that crappy part of the job interview process--the waiting. Ugh.

On the way home, I stopped at the DeKalb Produce Market and picked up some fruit, some banana chips, and some trail mix-y stuff. Yummy. I will be heading back there ASAP, because all of the produce there was at LEAST $.20 cheaper per pound than at the grocery store, and everything looked really nice. If you have a local produce market near you, I'd suggest checking it out. Someday I will stop at the Kitty Cottage, right next to the produce market, because the kitties there need adopting. And, well, I won't adopt any because Sadako would not take kindly to competition, but maybe they need help writing brochures or newsletters, and that would be awesome. All the cat-petting benefits, none of the other-cat-freaking-out hassles. Meow.

We got a postcard in the mail today inviting us to Matt's company's Holiday Gala. Dinner and dancing! Most importantly, I get to buy a fancy new dress. Matt tells me he learned at work that it was only a few years ago that the event STOPPED being black tie formal! Now it's just semi-formal, something that will require a nice party dress. The party is December 8th, so it's time to start looking for dresses now. Any online recommendations as to where I can find a fabulous dress (in a size 22 or 24, most likely) would be welcomed. I'm already eyeing up a couple places like Lane Bryant and Macys. And of course, I'll need shoes. Can I just say how thrilled I am that flats are still all the rage? My swollen ankles are thanking me already. I'll be searching for the sparkliest thing possible.

Maybe tomorrow I'll have something more interesting to talk about. Maybe not. This is the fun of blogging every day in November!

Monday, November 5, 2007

Nom nom nom.

Yes, I am cooking tonight.

No, that's not a scary thing. In fact, the dish I'm making is really easy. It's my mom's one-skillet-chicken-alfredo thing. Basically, you sauté some chicken, then throw in some broccoli to steam, add mostly-cooked pasta, then dump on some alfredo sauce and simmer so all the flavors can blend. Serve. Enjoy. Leftovers make a good lunch, hot or cold. Mmmm.

However, our kitchen is still half-boxed up, and things out there are a wreck, so this will be a short post while I go do some dishes and thaw the chicken. The sun's just setting, and the sky is cotton candy pink.

Oh, and I have a job interview tomorrow. I'm not going to say more about it than that right now. I feel hopeful, but it's my first one in ages, so I'm also nervous. I have a nice outfit planned, though! It's this shirt, with black dress pants and black shoes. I think it will say, "I'm professional, but not stuck in my ways."
In the meantime, if you need me, I'll be scrubbing a big ol' pan in the kitchen.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Return to the Land of Tax-Free Shopping

It's Sunday. I am typing this entry from the basement computer lab of the Spencer Laboratory, the engineering building at the University of Delaware. Matt is upstairs showing the doctoral student he was working with how to run the actuators on the robot. Something like that. Matt built a specific mechanism for his thesis project, and apparently nobody else could figure out how to use it.

So we road-tripped down here. I went shopping in downtown Newark (pronouned noo-ARK, as in "an ark that is brand new", and not noo-urk, like in New Jersey) and ended up with 4 books, a cd, and 3 magazines. The 4 books and a CD only cost me $20! Thank you used book/record store!

I definitely miss Delaware, my many friends who live here, the tax-free shopping and late-night liquor stores where you can buy beer AND wine AND liquor all in the same place. I also love our new home. As with any move, I just want to take all the good things from the old place and transport them to the new. At least we aren't far away.

After Matt finishes his lab business, we'll head over to our old place and pick up a couple of things we left behind (extra-long ethernet cables, oops), throw out any food that's still in the fridge, and check on the mail. Only one more rent payment to make on the place, then hopefully we'll be done throwing our money around more than, after we clean the carpets and putty the holes in the walls. Please, apartment gods, help us get our security deposit back.

And I will try to silence the worries that the whole place smells like catbox. However, Nigel never brought the thing to Pennsylvania, so I assume it's still in the living room, unscooped. I hate to spend cash for a new litter box that we won't need, but I have a feeling that old one is destined to become trash.

This has been your Sunday update. Time to scour the job boards for a while.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Sofa King.

That, my friends, is a name of a store around the corner. Sofa King Furniture. Don't say it too fast, or it's the R-Rated Furniture store. Or maybe it's only PG-13 if you say it once? It's located next to a place called the Impact! Thrift Store, which is also hilarious because the word "impact" in the logo is actually done in Impact FONT. So, Thrift Store, which came first, the store name or the font name?

It's been a furniture-filled Saturday. We rented a truck and headed to New Jersey to pick up our dining room table from my uncle's old place. We also got the other items we had saved for ourselves...a pantry cabinet, a shelf my grandfather made a few years back, and a sideboard of sorts for the dining room. We also claimed the wooden bench that had been on the front porch. Our side porch is kind of spare on seating at the moment. We can at least start looking civilized.

I have started closing our blinds at the new place. We still have a lot of junk, and a lot of stuff still in boxes, so I don't want our neighbors looking in and thinking terrible things. Our next-door-neighbor seems okay. He brought me up to speed on some things the local homeowners' association gets picky about, and of course, these our things our landlord hadn't mentioned. So, no putting out the trash before 9pm the night before collection day. We might have to have our cars registered, and we might need to weed the flower beds out front. Hopefully our landlord will just take care of this FOR us, because they probably should have in the first place.

We'll also be replacing our locks, since the only functioning keys we have operate only the deadbolt on the front door. We have one other key that operates the 2 doorknob locks and the deadbolt on the back door, but I've had 2 different sets of copies made at 2 different stores, and neither of the sets of copies works on the other 3 locks. This screams REPLACEMENT! But we think we'll just buy some new locks and send the landlord a receipt and an explanation. Hopefully she'll knock a few bucks off of next month's rent.

Time to move the furniture in! Hope your weekends are going well. Look for yet another post tomorrow! I'm out of control!

Friday, November 2, 2007

Cookie Police: We Won't Share, Because We Care

My best friend CJ will have a conniption because she says I never write about her, and here is her name, already mentioned at the beginning of this post. Bwa ha ha! Anyway, if you happen to see her lurking about, give her a wave. She emailed me, so here's a quote:

"I'm definitely enjoying Dorkabetic--I'm learning all kinds of information that would have been useful to me back in the day when I was the Cookie Police (for example, thank God you never had an episode like Dan had, because I would have had NO IDEA what the hell to do with you.) Maybe that's something you should mention in your blogging at some point--you touched on it with the Halloween thing, but how much info should a diabetic kid's friends have? Should you be carrying around some kind of laminated instruction card? "If Convulsing, Please Insert Frosting"?"

For the record, CJ, I spent most days wearing a Medic Alert necklace, and lots of people actually DO carry around laminated instruction cards with emergency info and what to do! Maybe I should carry one, but I think I'd want to jazz it up. "ATTENTION: If Hannah is acting like a drunken crazy person on PCP, please check her blood's probably lower than low. If she's passed out, check her blood sugar, there's probably something wrong. And for God's sakes, call 911!"

If you're out there reading this, how much did you tell your friends when you were younger? How much do you tell them now? What do your kids tell their friends?

When I was in middle school, CJ moved into my neighborhood. We were already in a bunch of stuff together at school, so then we pretty much became staples in each others' lives. When I met CJ, I was probably eleven or so, so that means I'd already had diabetes for three years. I was pretty good at handling things myself, and things were a lot different back then. My doctor had me checking my blood sugars before meals, and maybe an extra here and there, but that was it. I was doing food exchanges, not counting carbs. If I went to hang out at CJ's house, it was after dinner, when I was already full of a balanced meal and enough insulin to cover it.

All of my friends' parents knew I had diabetes. I can't remember if they just found out or if my mom told them. That's never something I really worried about. I think I just wanted to avoid being known as [CJ]'s diabetic friend. One of my friend's mothers remarked once how she liked it when I came over for dinner, because then everyone would have to eat their vegetables. I think I rolled my eyes.

I'd think it would be good for a kid's friends to know what to do in an emergency. I've never been one to trend toward a lot of low blood sugars, but I am pretty sure there are times I was out with someone when I was young, and I'd feel weird so I'd just drink the Junior Juice box I had stashed in my purse or eat some LifeSavers out of my backpack. Problems typically never snuck up on me. I knew about them going into most situations.

I'm an easy-going person. I've never been one to use my disease as an excuse for anything. I know some people who attempted to define themselves by what was wrong with them, and I knew that wasn't for me. I can think of one person in college who always had some malady to explain what her problems were--her grades were only average because of her ADD, and she could yell at anyone she wanted before her period because she had PMDD--she was sick, which meant she didn't have to follow standard social procedure. Ugh. Dealing with my diabetes was something I did on a personal level, and I tried not to let it get in the way of how anybody saw me.

But I never went to diabetes camp. I didn't really know any special tricks. I did what my doctor told me, as reiterated by my mother, but eventually, I just felt like I wanted to be normal. I didn't want to worry about the Cookie Police. Then it was that I didn't want to worry about doing 8474839 finger sticks a day. Then it was, "Well, if I miss one Humalog injection, so what?"

I read this article by Kerri in the DiaTribe newsletter (you might have to subscribe to read it, but it's free!) and I saw something of myself there in high school and college. One day, it just kind of dawned on me that I could do so much better, and I'd feel a lot less miserable if I could just start being healthy. And that's where I am now--struggling to accept the changes I'm making for the better. Trying to change the little things.

And every once in a while, I wish the Cookie Police would drop by. But only once in a while, and it would most certainly help if they come bearing some other snack, like jar of mixed nuts or some fruity dip (which, believe it or not, contains no actual fruit).

So, CJ, I think I did the best that I could. Your parents bought sugar-free ice cream when I'd come over for dinner, and our infamous White Trash Nights were about the salty snacks and diet Dr. Pepper anyway.